12 October 2002/Transcript
This is a transcription of the 12 October 2002 episode, from Xfm Series 2 This article is currently being edited by Jimmy.
A Lung Feeling
Ricky: Strokes, er, Someday, I'm already annoyed!
Steve: I'm in a- I'm in a bad mood
Ricky: I've been here three minutes and I'm already annoyed.
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: Oh God.
Steve: Bring back Claire, I tell you.
Ricky: No, it's not his fault-
Steve: It is.
Ricky: -it's the whole place. The library's sh-shite, I tried to ge-- Oh God. I had to g-
Steve: Chill, chill, chill.
Ricky: I had to go to Capital library, er, oh-
Steve: Chill, chill, chill, chill.
Ricky: Fancy that, I had to go to Capital library to get a couple of records I wanted, right? Place is falling apart, the email's not working, it's so shoddy. He's had two weeks off. "Ooh, I'm on holiday." I mean, they, really, they might as well bulldoze this, honestly. 'Cause for all the- you know.
Steve: It is ludicrous.
Ricky: And, we get paid... peanuts.
Steve: You get paid, do you?
Ricky laughs
Ricky: Ah, and it really annoys me that you have to fight t- ah, anyway.
Steve: Anyway, just calm down-
Ricky: XFM 104.9-
Steve: -explain who we are.
Ricky: -I'm Ricky Gervais, with me Steve Merchant and Karl Pilkington. Karl, you're back.
Karl: Alright.
Ricky: How was it?
Karl: What, the holiday?
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: Well, it wasn't all fun was it, because me dad was in, er, was in hospital.
Ricky: Oh, but he wasn't-
Steve: He wasn't during the holiday.
Ricky: -not during the holiday though, was he? You came back from holiday and then found that out, didn't you?
Karl: Yeah, but it happened when I was on holiday.
Ricky: Did you know that though, When you were on holiday?
Karl: No, 'cos I didn't take me phone with me.
Steve: Well, that's our question-
Ricky: Yeah, okay.
Karl: But the weird thing is, I got- I got a feeling. When I was sat there. 'Cos it normally happens-
Ricky: It wasn't the nudist beach was it?
Karl: -when I first went away to-
Ricky: When you saw that old fella with his packet out?
Ricky sniggers
Karl: -when I went to Ibiza, right. I, er, I had a feeling, and I called home and me dad had punctured a lung.
Steve: When you say you had a feeling, what do you mean, a feeling?
Karl: Just like "Oh, I should call home, there's something not right."
Steve: Mmm. That's a very specific feeling, how did that ma-
Ricky laughs
Steve: -how did that manifest itself?
Ricky: Hold on-
Steve: How does that- how do you get that? What kind of feeling is that-
Ricky: Was it- was it- "Oh God, I'm getting-
Steve: -is that a tingling thing?
Ricky: -I'm getting a bit of a lung feeling.
Steve: Yeah, mmm.
Ricky: A bit of a dad lung feeling
Steve: That feels like- that feels like a punctured lung, mmm.
Ricky: Hold on-
Karl: But anyway...
Ricky: No, but anyway, holiday was good. We talked about it last... week anyway.
Steve: Let's- let's probe Karl about his holiday later-
Ricky: Okay.
Steve: -'cos, you know, that's the sort of thing that audiences will stay tuned for Rick, I'm pretty certain.
Ricky sniggers
Ricky: Yeah, sure, sure-
Steve: Find out more about-
Ricky: You know more about this radio business than me-
Steve: That's true enough.
Ricky: -you know, you've hooked them already.
Steve sniggers
Steve: Indeed, yeah.
Ricky: Erm-
Steve: Well, also I'm thinking, we've got nothing.
Ricky laughs
Ricky: Ever, now.
Steve: So- we may aswell save that.
Ricky: No, I resent it. I used to put a lot of work in, but now, I, you know, I think of the money, which is, you know, for me, pretty shoddy.
Steve sniggers
Steve: Well, yeah-
Ricky: You know what I mean? I don't usually get out of bed for-
Steve: -you make an awful lot of cash.
Ricky: Well exactly, yeah. And er, you know, and the whole thing, the whole setup... It was raining today, I thought, "I should have a cab in."
Steve: Mmm.
Ricky: You know, and then the sun came out so I walked in again.
Steve: Mmm.
Steve laughs
Ricky sighs
Ricky: ...dear...
Steve: How are ya?
Ricky: But, erm, I'll tell you what, I got a bit criticised last week as well, that I- I only played ballads and same songs, so I'm gonna- I'm gonna rock out this week.
Steve: Ah, I'm loving it.
Ricky: I've been down to the Capital library-
Steve: Right.
Ricky: -to get some good tunes, and er, what about a little bit of AC/DC?
Steve: Ahhhh.
Ricky: "You shook me all night long."
Steve: Let's hear it.
Song: AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long
Basic Holiday Criteria
Ricky: Well, that's cheered me up.
Steve: In a better mood now?
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: Good.
Ricky: That's great. Shall we- shall we rock out... today?
Steve: Now? Well, yeah.
Ricky: Bit of Led Zep maybe. Stones.
Steve: Brilliant, yeah. Some of the classics, no doubt.
Ricky: Yeah. When are we gonna talk about Karl?
Steve: Have we run out of stuff already?
Ricky: Yeah, already.
Steve: Okay, let's go.
Ricky: Okay, now, err, yeah.
Steve: So where did you go Karl? What was the story?
Karl: Erm, it was me birthday, right, erm, went home after doing- working with you a couple of Saturdays ago.
Steve: Mmm.
Karl: Right, err, girlfriend was like "Open your card, open your card." and I said "No, it's me birthday on Monday, I'll open it then."
Ricky sniggers
Steve: You obey by the rules, don't you, of birthdays-
Ricky: I love it.
Steve: -birthday rules.
Karl: Well, there's no point...
Steve: Well exactly, chaos lead that way.
Karl: Yeah.
Ricky sniggers
Karl: Right, so err...
Ricky: Not an anarchist, never has been.
Karl: So anyway, sh- she was kept going on- and it was doing me head in so I said "Alright, I'll open it."
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: So I opened it, ticket fell out. Err, surprise holiday to one of the Canary Islands... So...
Steve: And what was your reaction? I mean-
Karl: First one was "We haven't got enough money... for this"
Steve: Right.
Karl: But I didn't want to ruin it, so...
Steve: No.
Ricky: No, no.
Karl: So- so I didn't go on about that. And I said "Oh, it'll be great." I said "I can't wait."
Ricky sniggers
Steve: Did you say it in that tone of voice?
Karl: Well, it was good timing, because I was tired and everything-
Steve: Mmm.
Karl: -and err, I'm not a big holiday fan-
Steve: No.
Karl: -but the timing was right-
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: -do you know what I mean? It's the same as last night, I don't always like a curry but last night-
Steve: You were in the mood.
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: -you get that "Oh, yeah."
Ricky: Curry feel- you had- you had- you got a feeling-
Steve: A feeling, yeah, you had a feeling for curry.
Ricky: -and you thought "Hold on."- and then lo and behold, later you were eating the curry.
Steve laughs
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: It's weird innit.
Steve: It is strange.
Ricky: Innit weird, the paranormal?
Steve: Life is strange.
Ricky: Innit weird, innit weird?
Steve: They- they work in mysterious ways, ghosts.
Ricky: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Karl: So anyway, right-
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: -erm, the island, erm, if I was on Wish You Were Here, I'd probably say it's a bit barren...
Ricky sniggers
Steve: Okay.
Karl: Erm, not much there-
Steve: Mmm.
Karl: -but if you get a hotel, you're guaranteed good weather. Right.
Steve: Are you?
Karl: No, what I mean is-
Steve laughs