Karl's Poems

From [[Main_Page|Pilkipedia]], the Karl Pilkington encyclopaedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Karl's Poems were first introduced in the third series of podcasts. They were discovered when Steve was reading Karl's Diary. Although Ricky and Steve had low expectations, they were both mildly impressed by them. Later, more poems appeared in Happyslapped by a Jellyfish.

Episode 1

First

If moths have eyes, would they be happier?
How do they know they're not dead?
Cavemen hunting for food,
But not before they style the hair on their head
What would last longer in dinosaur times?
A blind man didn't stand a chance. Not with all them rocks about
I'd rather be a blind moth

Episode 2

Second

Bubbled wallpaper. What a mess
Washer dryer knackered. What a mess
Siamese twins seperated. One leg less

Episode 3

Third

I don't like jellyfish, they’re not a fish, they're just a blob
They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod
They float about blind, stinging people in the seas
And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas
Get rid of them

Fourth

It would be spiteful
To put jellyfish in a trifle

Fifth

For god sake, me belly ache
The doctor said it’s me kidney
He said he’s got to stick a tube up me knob
I said you got to be kidding me
For god sake, knob ache.

Episode 6

My Ward

Me, a Chinese fella and an old bloke,
Who looked like Mr Burns from 'The Simpsons',
Don't know what was wrong with him,
But breaking wind was the symptoms.
No one visited him or called him.
He seemed quite lost to me.
As well as wind problems,
He had a colostomy.
When I left,
I said "see ya" to the old man.
Turned out the other fella wasn't Chinese,
He was from Japan.
I never found out what was up with him.

Happyslapped By A Jellyfish

Bank Holiday Monday

Bank Holiday Monday
Bank Holiday mundane
No shops open
Plenty of rain

Suzanne's Mam and Dad's Pub

Lots of smoke and strange folk
Regular laughing at his own jokes
Dog on a rope
Fruit machine broke
Old man in a corner who never spoke

Sheep Off A Cliff

Thousands of sheep fed up,
So they jumped off cliff into bay.
They shouldn't survive,
But it just goes to show,
Where there's wool there's a way

Rome

Rome wasn't built in a day,
It just looks that way.