14 December 2002/Transcript
- 1 Ralph Littleton, #342 (0:00:00)
- 2 Well, You Gonna Be Dancing?
- 3 You Can Suck It Away
- 4 It Weren't Nice
- 5 Roasting Your Chestnuts
- 6 £200 of Scratchcards
- 7 Das Freaken Goggle-Eye
- 8 Let's Hear Some More Great Ads
- 9 There's No Reason It Should be a Bonanza
- 10 You Like Poverty!
- 11 It Only Happens When You Talk
Ralph Littleton, #342 (0:00:00)
Song: Eminem - Lose Yourself
Eminem, Lose Yourself on Xfm 104.9. I'm Ricky Gervais, with me Steve Merchant.
But not Karl Pilkington.
No Karl. No. No.
He's gone back to Manchester innit?
It's better than London.
You don't know it. You don't know it. Manchester's better than London. Instead, Claire Sturgess.
Claire Sturgess, a round of applause for Claire.
Thanks, yeah, thanks.
Come down in sort of the camouflage gear I notice. Is that quite trendy? Is that what the kids are wearing?
Yeah, do you know, it's funny
Someone actually mentioned that this morning-
Or are you on maneuvers?
I am actually.
Taking time out.
This morning. From what I normally do.
I missed the, er, second half - talking about that - of Celebrity, erm, Bootcamp.
I don't know what that is.
The fella from, um, Milli Vanilli
What, the one that's not dead?
Uh no, the one that killed himself, Steve.
No, I just wanted to clarify for people. A lot of people don't realise that one of them is dead.
I thought it was important to mention it.
Actually, d'you know, I didn't know
I'll be honest with you, I hadn't thought it through.
It was a piece of interesting Milli Vanilli trivia that I had, and I wanted to slip it in.
But what wasn't really trivia-
But I tell you-
It was a question. You could've went "what", the one who's not dead.
What I'm trying to say Rick is, I could've found a more tactful way of bringing up the death of one of Milli Vanilli.
'Cause I think there are a lot of people out there now upset. Maybe, didn't realise.
Actually, yeah. People who didn't know...
It's quite a shock. I didn't...I mean I should've sat people down-
Who did...who died? Vanilli or Milli?
I think it was...I think it was Milli
Oh right, okay.
No it was Vanilli, wasn't it?
I don't know, erm...
No but I don't know, I didn't actually...
Oh that is-
But wait a minute I've always confused Milli Vanilli with Scritti Politti, I-
'Cause I mean, that is a danger.
Oh, no, you're thinking of the fella out of Grumple Palumple.
Steve and Claire laugh
Because he was amazing.
He was amazing, it's-it's a great shame that he-
Topped himself, before, not around-
Anyway, um, cor we've got some great tunes lined up. We're gonna play, today, erm, th- our favourite singles-
-Of the year.
-Favourite tunes. Things that didn't quite make it as tunes maybe. But tunes of the year, 'cause obviously Christmas very soon and, uh, we'll be away for a short time.
I think next week we're doing our favourite Christmas songs of all time.
Yeah, I'm worried we're not going to fill two hours with that. I mean how many times can you play Shakin' Stevens before uh-
Fairytale of New York.
There it is again.
I mean that's really the only one isn't it?
That's the best one. That's the best Christmas song ever.
That one's good, obviously there's Joni Mitchell's The River, that starts with a kind of Christmassy feel.
I'm trying to think if there's anything else. Not a great deal...
The Waitresses, Christmas Wrapping.
Is that a good one?
A favourite of mine.
Is that good?
So This is Christmas, John Lennon. Paul McCartney came out with Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time.
But John's was Happy Christmas, War is Over. Of course it wasn't, but uh, obviously-
But I mean, at least he wanted it to be.
No at least he was dreaming of it, He was dreaming of it.
I mean, god bless him.
Yeah, and to show how much he hates war-
I- John Lennon's dead as well, I don't know if anyone's...
Yeah, no, they're aware of that.
That's just another bit of rock and roll trivia.
I like John's protest against war, he stayed in bed for a week.
I'd have done that. If they'd been protesting against war I'd have been in bed for ages.
I'm eating hamburgers, if there's war.
Wh- I jus- I just came into Burger King, on the way here, I went into th-
I mean, of cours- let's not, not product placement there. There's a number of other burgers joint which people may wish to go to instead-
I would go to McDonalds. I would go to McDonalds.
But I went into Burger King, 'cause it's close.
But then often McDonalds is more convenient.
It was convenient but McDonalds can be just as convenient-
-Depends where you are.
Just as convenient, depends where you are.
Yeah, erm, and I said, er, what did I say, I said, um, "can I have...a...cheeseburger and small fries, takeaway please." And he recognised me, he went "oh I've seen you on telly." And I went "yeah." And he went "uh there's your milkshake", and I went "thanks." He wen- he winked and went "I've put large fries in."
Steve and Claire laugh
So, but I love that-
So it's paying off at last, true genius is being rewarded-
But I'm just intrigued to know-
-By these burger joints.
-'Cause, I mean, there's been a couple of times where I've been with you and, you know, we've gone in a restaurant and someone's given you a free meal or whatever.
And it's the way it's like, you don't ask for it.
It's just kind of offered. But I don't know what they're expecting in return.
I mean, do think that you'll go away and you'll always think fondly of you know-
-Chad, who works in Burger King.
No I just thi- I just think they think, ooh, I don't know.
I'm gonna give him a little treat.
Yeah. I know, I don't like it, but I'm always grateful and I never-
-But the things is I- yeah, I'm slightly embarrassed but...
Did anyone run around you hear what had happened?
'Cause I imagine their resentment- just the whole room turned on you.
No they didn't, I had to go around telling them.
I mean, yeah...yeah...
I- I went up to someone and I said "excuse me, did you hear that? He just gave me the free thing, 'cause I'm on the telly."
And they went "oh, I don't recognise you." And I went, "you don't recognise me?"
I'm terrified now that uh-
-That someone could be listening at Burger King HQ, you know I'm assuming this is an unorthodox procedure.
And that little fella's got fired.
We kn- They know it's Leicester Square now 'cause...I've just mentioned it. So they know which Burger King it is.
Oh my god. I don't know...
What was his name?
Steve and Claire laugh
He- he had a name badge, number 342.
Well I just hope Littleton doesn't get in trouble.
So, uh, what are we gonna play first?
That's gonna be a sad Christmas for him.
Probably keeping his whole family afloat.
Um, bit of Springsteen.
Well, tunes of the year. Now I know a lot of people dismiss Springsteen, but, uh, as I say, the gig went to see earlier in the year, I mean it-
Sturgess couldn't believe we were going to play Springsteen.
-Was quite brilliant. I just think, you know, leave aside what you think is cool and trendy, and the fact that he's older now-
Just leave all that behind-
-And just listen to the tunes, because, you know, he remains a great musician.
Lonesome Day, the current single, the first track on the album.
Free, free chips.
Song: Bruce Springsteen - Lonesome Day