Series 3 Episode 4
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Podcast Series 3
Ricky and Steve are fed up with Karl for continuously moaning about his kidney stones yet still going on holiday every weekend. Karl also receives criticism in the press for a recent television appearance.
1. Sometimes You Got to Pull Together, Mate (0:00)
Ricky and Steve have been really annoyed at how lazy Karl is, they are tired of hearing him whinge about his kidney stones. They also criticize him for continually going on holiday and just sitting in cafes all the time.
2. Oh, Shut Up (2:20)
Steve went back to Bristol in his time off when Karl couldn’t put the work in and he narrowly missed out on his chance to see a band called Loose Change. Steve’s parents keep clippings of the three of them and they found a scathing letter in the Sunday Times by Wendy Robinson who had seen Karl’s 3 Minute Wonder short and thought it was the ramblings of an idiot. Steve read what Wendy wrote:
- Who is Karl Pilkington and why have I just wasted five minutes of my life listening to some of his cretinous thoughts on Channel 4? He asked why there are so many dinosaurs on display in museums: "Couldn't they just choose the best one and just show that?" He summed it all up by deciding that "We know too much". Somebody clearly doesn't know enough to know that this is a complete waste of air time, showing no wit, intellect or creativity.
Karl said the museum had 7 million bits of stuff in it and lots of it goes missing. So why is Wendy having a go? Ricky and Steve point out that they gave Karl the chance to redeem himself to Wendy, but he just talked rubbish again.
3. A Bit of Weird Art (8:25)
Steve’s parents also found an article in the Daily Mail about Steve’s Brentesque dance moves that led to an awkward scene in a club. They said he looked like “A giant albatross hopping on stilts.” Steve is furious because he fancies himself a great dancer and he wasn’t even dancing at said club.
4. It’s a Foodage (10:50)
Speaking of albatross, Karl hasn’t seen one but he knows they are endangered. Since he’s never seen one it wouldn’t bother him if they died out. The albatross are diving into the sea to get fish and are getting caught in nets. Karl blames the albatross for this, but Ricky blames the people who put the nets in the ocean. If the albatross wants food and can’t get it, it should have to alter its diet, according to Karl.
5. Fly Fights (14:02)
Karl returns to his people aging backward idea, a baby has been messing about with emails but a 65 year old can’t use email. So the system works, when you’re a baby and you’re about to die, you’re using the internet. Ricky and Steve have no idea what he’s talking about but Karl just accuses them of not having an open mind. He compares his idea to the invention of the Frisbee. Karl also watched some flies and made up what he thought their behaviour meant, leading to him trying to break up a fight between three flies.
6. The Clippable Mat (19:00)
Karl goes back to the Frisbee again; people would have thought it was a daft idea when they first heard it. Steve accused Karl of not coming up with something as good as a Frisbee so Karl brings up one of his ideas: a clippable mat for a cup. Steve then makes Karl defend his invention as though he were on Dragon’s Den. Ricky decides it is a pointless idea and he’s out.
7. Can I Tear This Page Out? (25:28)
Once again, it’s Karl’s diary as read by Steve. Karl doesn’t think we should try to fight aging. Things are changing: squirrels are eating Mars Bars, monkeys are opening bottles, and old people need to look old. Karl’s doctor was so educated he didn’t need to open his eyes.
8. Farewell (31:30)
A typical goodbye from Ricky to end the show.
Steve: If it weren’t for you, Mr. Ricky Gervais, what would this man- this little round headed man be doing right now?
Ricky: Fuck all, Stephen - Fuck! All!
Karl: Now you’ve remembered me what I said...
Karl: The fella who found Tutankhamen, he was pocketing all sorts of fingers and stuff in his pockets.
Karl: Well alright then, we'll watch Wendy's little programme when that goes out, let's see what she's got to talk about. Sick of her.
Ricky: You look like an upright lizard being given electroshock therapy.
Karl: Uh, it’s just like a bit of weird art.
Karl: If it’s a potato or a nut, it’s a foodage.
Episode available for purchase via iTunes
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