The Office (Series 2)
Two weeks after the announcement that Slough has been saved from the chop it is merger day and six new employees arrive from Swindon along with Neil - David's dynamic new boss. New girl Rachel immediately ignites the flames of desire in Tim and Gareth and the latters pulling technique reveals itself to be as subtle as a sledgehammer.
Unfortunately for David the Swindon contingent also consist of a black guy (Oliver) and a wheelchair user (Brenda) - problematic for a man with a terminally indelicate sense of humour. David finds himself hauled up before Jennifer Taylor Clark for exploring the outer reaches of bad taste in no time.
Meanwhile Tim's new Sales Manager post has gone to his head and he's becoming increasingly dismissive of Dawn. Making up for his caddish behaviour by giving her a little dance in the office results in him being pinned against a wall by Lee. A stressful day for all concerned.
Brent "Some comedians will have picked on other stuff, you know been more nasty. Like he's got a little withered hand, like Jeremy Beadle - I didn't mention it. No need."
Staff appraisals cue secret confessions - Tim still harbours dreams of returning to university to study Psychology, while Dawn reveals she always wanted to be a children's illustrator. Keith on the other hand reveals only the immense vacuity of his mind.
Meanwhile David is getting the feeling that he is not terribly popular with the new employees. This prompts not only an existential examination of comedic prowess but also the dawning, and deeply upsetting, realisation that everyone likes Neil more.
Elsewhere in the office Tim is hitting it off big time with Rachel who clearly fancies him rotten - much to Dawn's discomfort. David attempts to curry favour with the 'Swindon mob' by a lunchtime drinking session. However it's a washout and he ends the day getting drunk and reading self penned poetry to a mortified Dawn.
David: "If we're facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking"
Tim: "Yep, very nice. You're quite a philosopher"
David: "Well, it's just that... I think that our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall"
Tim: "Are you reading these?"
David: "Am I what?!"
Tim: "Reading the quotes"
David: "Sort of..."
It's Trudy's birthday and in traditional highbrow office style she receives some sex toys - namely a leather basque and a neon pink dildo with an inspired sense of movement. Meanwhile David's radical new made-up business strategy of "team individuality" fails to impress Neil.
However David receives an ego boost worth £1200 an hour when headhunters from the public speaking agency Cooper and Webb arrive and for some inexplicable reason want him on their books.
Rachel and Tim are still getting on like a house on fire, although Dawn is trying to maintain her place in Tim's affections with practical jokes at Gareth's expense. As Trudy's party gets into full swing David is miffed to discover that Finchy and Neil are old friends. Finally, in an effort to impress with macho banter, he announces rather too loudly, just exactly what he'd like to do to each member of The Corrs (excepting Jim of course).
Brent: "I don't live by 'The Rules' you know, and if there's one person who has influenced me in that way of thinking, someone who is a maverick, someone who does 'that' to the system then it's Ian Botham."
Tim and Rachel finally appear to have 'done the deed' and are confronted by a horrified Gareth, who is perhaps most upset by the realisation that he'd still like to 'do' Rachel even though she is now, as he so charmingly puts it, sloppy seconds.
However Gareth finds comfort in the company of Simon the computer geek who is installing a firewall. Simon is able to talk authoritatively on all those subjects closest to Gareth's heart (save for weapons specifications) - namely Bruce Lee movies, go karting and drag racing.
Things seem to be getting worse for David as he first finds out that the staff have nicknamed him Bluto and alternatively, when they're feeling particularly charitable, Mr Toad. Then he is given a severe dressing down by Neil for incompetence. Perhaps his ego will receive a boost from the success and acclaim of his motivational training that evening? Or perhaps not.
Brent: "If you have lost both legs and both arms just go 'at least I'm not dead'. Though I'd rather be dead in that situation to be honest- I'm not saying people like that should be put down. I'm saying that in my life I'd rather not live without arms and legs 'cos you know... I'm just getting into yoga."
It's Comic Relief Day and the office is awash with wackiness. All 19 stone of Keith is squeezed into a bright yellow Ali G costume, Sheila has become Wonder Woman and Gareth is hopping on one leg.
The hilarity climaxes when Neil and Rachel stage a truly impressive dance sequence from Saturday Night Fever in the reception area. David, desperate to outdo them, embarks on his own spontaneous dance. A jaw droppingly horrendous performance that would be charitably called "interpretive".
Dawn's money raising idea of selling kisses for a £1 results in a close shave with Gareth's friend 'Jimmy the Perv'. However things start looking up when Tim puts in his quid and The Kiss finally happens. David isn't having such a good time - Neil and Jennifer at last bite the bullet and tell him that he is being made redundant.
Brent: "What would Lenny Henry say? I think we know - imagine him going out of the door and Dawn French is going 'Where you going? You haven't done the washing up, you haven't put the rubbish out-' 'Do it yourself! I gotta go and save some Africans!'"
The news of David's redundancy is not having the devastating effect on the office that he would have liked but brighter things are on the horizon as Inside Paper are writing a feature on him.
A hitherto unknown facet of Gareth's character is revealed when a woman caller asks him to come round and bring his "toys" - much to the amusement of Tim and Dawn. The Kiss on Comic Relief Day seems to have sparked Tim into action and he breaks off his fling with Rachel before confronting Dawn with his true feelings - will she reciprocate?
David's life is about to go from low to lower. Ray and Jude from Cooper and Webb arrive and inform him, in front of Helena the Inside Paper journo, that they won't be requiring his services anymore. In a fit of pique he throws them all out of his office. When Neil and Jennifer come to confirm his redundancy package David abandons his pride and begs for his job. But will they listen?
Helena: "Is there a 'chick in tow' at the moment?"
David: "Oh I don't kiss and tell"
Helena: "I'm just trying to find out if you're in a relationship at the moment"
David: "Oh, Brent says 'no comment'"
Helena: "So you don't have a girlfriend?"
David: "Well what is a 'girlfriend'?"
Helena: "Someone you'd have sex with"
David: "Oh.. Don't get coarse in a magazine for the public - I don't think you'd win a Pulitzer Prize for filth"
Courtsey of the BBC