The Ricky Gervais Guide To... The English

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The Ricky Gervais Guide To...
Series One
Episode List


  1. Guide to... Medicine
  2. Guide to... Natural History
  3. Guide to... The Arts
  4. Guide to... Philosophy
  5. Guide to... The English

The Ricky Gervais Guide To ...The English is the fifth and final audiobook in the first Guide To... series. It was released on 21 April 2009. A preview clip was released on 04 April 2009, first showing up on YouTube, which was unusual as previews were normally distributed via iTunes.

Track Listing

1. Known The World Over (0:00:00)

The Show's Album Art

Ricky does the normal introduction and gives us a quote by Cecil Rhodes saying that "To be born English is to win 1st prize in the lottery of life" then introduces Stephen and Karl to which has an "Head Like an Orange".

2. Let Your Face Do The Walking (0:01:36)

Ricky starts off by mentioning that one thing that is very English is harping and whinging, Karl states that he was happiest in 1984 when he was 12 as when he was a kid he was always out on his bike, he then says that life started to get tough when he turned 13 as his mam gave him £1 to buy a birthday cake, he started to feel grown up to which Ricky says that Karl will always be 50... Karl then stated that his mam always said that he was an old baby and that he looked stressed out from an early age to which Steve compares it to a horror film like Pilkington's Baby, Karl then goes on to say that his mam tried to send him to nursery but he wasn't having any of it and his mam said ok, Ricky is hysterical and does a mini roleplay to which Karl shocks both Ricky and Steve by telling them a story in which he was taken away by some fella (his dads mate Tony) and took him to the pub when he was 3 or 4, his dad came in and said there you are to which Ricky screeches....

3. It Doesn't Matter The Suits Hired (0.07.19)

Steve looks back at quotes about England including a vision of England by John Major, they then talk biscuits to which Ricky talks about crackers that he thought would have Cartier watches in them but they had wine notes, and travel notes and why would they have them in 500 quid crackers, Steve and Ricky both agree that they wasn't aware of a class system until they went to university, Rickys image of England if he had to draw if for an alien would be his build with Karl's head, Steve's image would be Hugh Grant/James Bond, buying a suit and reading GQ doesn't make you James Bond, Karl has only bought one suit, the suit that he wore when Steve took him to the Bafta's, he wore it once since then, to which they then start talking about weddings, Steve if he had the choice would make a present at home and take it as a gift to the married couple, Ricky laughs and thinks that Steve would make a clog, Karl's type of conversation he would start with people on a table that he has been put with at a wedding would start with how do you know them, how long have you known the married couple, then will last to which Ricky laughs, Karl then goes on and says that the reason he hates weddings is cause there are all types of families there, he was stuck with this old bloke who had a flatulence problem and that it didn't matter as the suit was hired to which Ricky says he's gonna die



The Queen to Steve: Cheeky cunt! I talks first, lanky!

Tough Winston Churchill: See me down in Brighton Monday. I'm gonna fucking smack your head in you little fucking German cunt.

KarlThey're all sat there just pushing bullshit around the room like dung beetles. Sick of it.

Ricky: Steve doesn't like to part with money. I don't know what the politically correct term is...[i]stingy[/i] cunt, isn't he? He's fucking [b]mean[/b].

Karl: I got stuck with an old fella who had a flatulence problem... Steve: That sounds fun! Karl:...and then he went on to say 'it doesn't matter; the suit's hired.'

Karl: my mam always said I was old, she said I was an old baby, she said I could frown before I could walk, always had a bit of a worried look on my face, didn't say much always listened, my eyes always moved before I did.....

Ricky: built like a giant wombat...

Karl: and then like do you think it will last.....

Ricky: Steve doesn't like to part with money, i mean I don't know what the politically correct term is, stingy cunt ain't he, he's fucking mean.....

Steve: - firstly i'm annoyed about the wedding list, cause I don't know why I can't bring along something I have made from home....

Karl: So he's got he's got me knob in his hand, has he? Hm. This is this is the beginning of life for me, is it? Soon as I open me eyes, I'm not seein' lovely nature and the sun and the bright blue sky. I'm seein' a fella with me cock in his hand.


See Also

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