BBC Radio 2 Show - 31 December 2005
1. One of the Most Stupid Men I've Ever Met (0:00:00)
Karl is re-introduced and Ricky has drawn a picture of Karl that listeners can bid on. Ricky has bought a children's Bible for Karl who is going to give a message of sorts later in the show. Karl thinks the Bible isn't too popular anymore. Ricky and Steve recap Karl's Christmas gift to Suzanne and ask how it was received. Karl added a watch to her gift. The death of Karl's Mam's budgie made for a tough Pilkington Christmas, but she put some feathers on a rock to keep the other bird company.
2. Tandy's Shut (0:05:20)
Suzanne's got Karl a printer for Christmas, but his most memorable gift was from the early '80s when he received a ZX 81 computer with a missing RAM pack.
3. It Was Great Watching Karl (0:09:40)
Get in touch with the worst gift ever to win the Eurythmics platinum disc. Ricky's given Jane 4 tickets to see The Woman in Black and she chose to take Karl and Suzanne, and Ricky talks about their experience. Ricky's a nightmare to dine out with according to both Steve and Karl. Karl talks about their recent dinner out, during which Ricky wants to put Karl's head in a vice, complete with sound effects.
4. How Old Was He Again? (0:015:44)
Steve tells his now-classic experience at the cinema when he went to see Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Karl's new year's resolution is to learn something new every day, but today is a day off. Steve's is to be less annoyed, and Ricky's is to be more annoying. Ricky's got some PSAs, one of which Karl's Dad disagrees with.
5. Talking of Vicars (0:21:57)
Steve reads off emails of terrible Christmas gifts listeners have gotten. Karl would like a religion with a small book. He begins what turns out to be not a very short summary of the Old Testament and includes some commentary.
6. Don Gervaisi (0:29:57)
Toby in London wins the worst gift prize for getting a book about crude oil. Tom Jones has gotten an OBE and Karl bemoans the fact that you don't have to kill a dragon anymore to get one. Would Rick accept one? He's been invited to the palace three times to Steve's zero. He does some additional namedropping about the time he met Jonathan Ross.
7. Crawl Into Karl's Head (0:36:43)
Steve loves a good cover version. Another recap of what Rockbusters is with some classic examples, and Karl gives the clues.
8. Woah - Jon Inman's Gay? (0:40:26)
A bit of chat about the ban on fox hunting. Karl believes we should stay in our own parts of the earth and Ricky loves when a matador gets gored to death. Chat turns to gay marriage and the natural disasters of 2005. Steve prayed for a natural disaster during Celebrity Love Island and disses Paul Danan.
9. He's a Bit Like Mork (0:45:19)
Karl is underwhelmed by music and prefers a Walkman because he only likes 7 songs, all of which include a story. Karl believes Gays Go Out Too Late.
10. Three Good Clues as Always (0:49:39)
Karl gives the Rockbusters answers.
11. He Met Up With This Bloke Noah (0:52:23)
This link includes the second installment of Karl's sermon, and Steve whinges about King Kong.
12. French Food in Hand (0:57:40)
Seven second link introducing the news.
13. Spotted (0:58:44)
A Chili Peppers CD is up for grabs and Ricky struggles to think up a quiz question. The Daily Mirror has spotted Ricky at Jon Stewart's show. People born under the star sign Cancer are the funniest.
14. What Do You Call Yours? (1:03:24)
Ricky finally settles on a quiz question which Steve thrice calls "unbelievable" despite not being able to name any top broadcasters on the station.
15. Does It Do Us Any Good, Knowing Stuff? (1:05:00)
What are some of the big news stories of the year for Karl? People that are brainy don't look very happy. Blind people are using horses instead of dogs, and a man panicked a chicken with an ax so it would lay more eggs. Karl has made the news this year also for slagging off Cornwall. Karl recounts the time he mistakingly dissed a hairy man at a Cornwall pub and the time a guy at the deck chair hut moaned at him for getting the chairs sandy. Karl's got a new mobile and the predictive text thought "aint" was going to be "biotechnology".
16. Grace Hates the Show (1:12:54)
A listener writes in for being rude about the world. Ricky loves Karl for being the same shape as the world, but Steve thinks that's the pot calling the kettle black. One of Steve's highlights of the year was Live 8, and Karl thinks if Bill Gates gives everyone in the world some money, he should give poor people a bit less.
17. Just Another Bit In It (1:17:16)
Karl's last Bible segment but he doesn't have time to finish the whole book but he wants to talk about Samson, who Ricky thinks is a bit like Peter Stringfellow.
18. Everything About It Is Nonsense (1:21:57)
Monkey News to close the show, about a escaped monkey convict in New York and P.C. Wilcox who captured him but ended up needing the monkey's assistance.
Ricky: With me, Steve Merchant.
Steve: And me, Ricky Gervais.
I've got snails, croissants, and baguettes in me palm. F.F.
Me gran is taking a penalty; she'd better get the ball in the back of the net. N.M.
I'm where people go to relieve themselves after looking at elephants and that. A.
David Bowie - Heroes
Rod Stewart - Handbags and Gladrags
Feeder - High
Eurythmics - Here Comes the Rain Again
Neil Young - Heart of Gold
The Rolling Stones - Waiting on a Friend
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama
Ryan Adams - Wonderwall
Razorlight - Golden Touch
Elvis Presley - In the Ghetto
Bruce Springsteen - Hungry Heart
Kate Bush - King of the Mountain
ELO - Mr. Blue Sky
Franz Ferdinand - Do You Want To
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication
Radiohead - Black Star
Stephen Fretwell - Emily
Song For The Lovers - ?
Robert Post - Got None
Keane - Somewhere Only We Know