31 May 1998

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Xfm Series 0
January 1998 - August 1998
List of episodes


  1. 31 May 1998 (Transcript)
  2. 07 June 1998 (Transcript)
  3. Tape 1 Side A (Transcript)
  4. Tape 1 Side B (Transcript)
  5. Tape 2 Side A (Transcript)
  6. Tape 2 Side B (Transcript)
  7. Tape 3 Side A (Transcript)
  8. Tape 3 Side B (Transcript)
  9. Tape 4 (Transcript)
  10. The Best of the Rest (Transcript)

31 May 1998 is the earliest and one of the only known complete recordings of the original Ricky Gervais Show on Xfm.

Ricky and Steve discuss Geri Halliwell leaving the Spice Girls, past pop culture items which Steve doesn't remember and Ricky's swearing. Also features music by Brainmangle, Velvet Nazi 666 UK, Muff Shandy and Tony Buddabing.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 31 May 1998/Transcript.

1. It's Ten Past Four (0:00:00)

Ricky does a very professional, comprehensible link.

2. Singing The Praises Of Penk (0:00:10)

Steve asks Ricky about him allegedly signing autographs, which Ricky did whilst at an Xfm 'roadshow' in a Dr. Martens shop. He signed at least 30 or 40. Gary Crowley, who was also there, apparently looks like a spotty shop assistant. Ricky tells a joke, they're only allowed to tell one a show lest they become like Steve Penk, not that there's anything wrong with Penk.

3. Why Should I Stay? (0:02:02)

Steve gives us a reason to stay tuned - an upcoming movie quiz! Two fake adverts, one for Brainmangle and their new single Blood, Sweat and Cum and one for Fuck Like a Rhino by Velvet Nazi 666 UK.

4. Is Ricky Gervais A Very Good DJ? (0:03:07)

Steve and Ricky discuss the impending split of The Spice Girls and rumours of Geri leaving following bullying from Scary Spice. Steve talks about being bullied by a pop star at school, Lionel Ritchie. Apparently the 14 year old Steve had no chance against a man with a string of top ten hits. Amazingly Ricky had a similar experience, being bullied at school by the band Hanson. Ricky and Steve play a fake ad for a helpline where upset Spice Girls fans can call Ricky to help them cope with Ginger's departure. An example of such a call is played; it inevitably ends in Ricky discussing mucky photos.

5. After The Advert There'll Be Another Break (0:06:30)

Another innocuous link is followed by an advert for Muff Shandy's "Earplugs are Gay".

6. D'you Know Terry Wise? (0:07:20)

Ricky asks if Steve remembers Pillsbury Dough, but he doesn’t. Ricky then asks people to call in to inform Steve and insult him. Steve wonders if it’s a toy and Ricky tries to explain that it’s a type of food. Steve promises a reference to stump Gervais, but struggles. He conjures up Jamie and His Magic Torch, but Ricky's heard of it. Ricky remembers an ad he once saw of a boy with magic pipes, but Steve has no idea what he’s talking about again. They play another fake ad for some new toiletries - "Panderers with Aloe Bahaha Groovy Caring Stuff" which can be used as a 'clunge protector' for your granddad.

7. Super Slick On The Mic (0:09:44)

Steve has figured out what Pillsbury Dough is, and he explains the previous advert for people who could not understand Ricky. Steve explains how he communicates using thought and careful word selection, unlike Ricky. They argue about Gervais' excitement undermining his speech. A listener asks if Ricky remembers a show called Billy Liar, and he does except Steve points out there was no such programme but does remember the film, the play and the book of the same name. Ricky demands booze and Steve asks for margaritas. Ricky was on the margaritas the night before, as was Steve, in what turns out to be a filthy innuendo.

8. Were You Crawling? (0:12:07)

Ricky has a very limited set of DJ patter that he’s memorized. Steve recounts an anecdote about a very short man with a face that looked stapled together that he encountered on the way to Ricky's house. When the little man asked for a ride on Steve's back Steve said no and encountered some hostility. If it had been a little woman, however, he might have been more accommodating.

9. Steve Made Me Do It (0:14:17)

Ricky introduces some ads, and then plays The Housemartins.

10. You Know She Had Two Nos (0:14:25)

Steve explains that he chose The Housemartins track because it reminded him of a girl he used to go out with. The girl was quite odd; she used to decide things by selecting random pieces of paper with different answers on it. This method was how she decided to stop seeing Steve.

11. Xfm Ginger Helpline (0:16:27)

They play another ad about the Ginger Spice helpline with a new fake caller asking for help from Ricky.

12. Ricky Lists What is Coming (0:17:28)

Ad breaks, more music, and competitions are promised to come soon.

13. Competition Time! (0:17:58)

Ricky and Steve play a pre-recorded clip from a classic movie that the listeners need to name. Steve is impressed with the work Ricky has put in but he’s concerned about Ricky's reliance on constant swearing. Ricky then starts swearing on live radio and it is magically being bleeped out for him. Yet when Steve swears, it doesn’t get bleeped.

14. Competition Answers (0:21:25)

Steve wonders if Ricky gets bleeped in the pub as well, he’s still confused by the previous link. He then announces the winner of the competition and the answer to the film quiz.

15. Labour MP Attacked by Strange Freak (0:22:34)

Steve wonders if he can get Mo Mowlam to go out with him if he pledges money to the Labour Party. Ricky then speculates what the headlines would be. Next they play a fake advert for Tony Buddabing's Easy Metal featuring versions of "Fuck Like a Rhyno", "Earplugs are Gay" and "Blood, Sweat and Cum".

16. I Wish I Could Bleep Him Out (0:24:20)

Ricky and Steve hang around for the start of Lawrie Hallett's show. Lawrie complains that they left the place a mess so Ricky makes fun of his shirt.


Steve: See when I want to explain something alright, Gervais, what I do is, I think 'What do I need to say, how can I best express it, which words shall I use and in what order ... When you want to express something you just go 'Words, words, words, words - stop. Words, words, oh, annoyed, annoyed, words..' D'you know what I mean? It's just gobbledygook, Gervais!

Steve: Are you on crack?

Ricky: Happy birthday, Charlotte. No… Catherine, it’s from Charlotte, she’s 20.
Steve: Yeah, man, you’re super slick on the mic. Oh yessiree Gervais.



Jesus and Mary Chain - Black
Oasis - Married With Children
Soundtrack of our Lives - Instant Repeater 99
Blur - Tracy Jacks
House of Pain - Jump Around
Gomez - Get Myself Arrested
Drugstore - Sober
Portishead - Numb
The Housemartins - Happy Hour
Delgados - Everything Goes Around
Babybird - Bad Old Man
Scope - Song for Bobby
Radiohead - Black Star
Pulp - Do You Remember The First Time
Kenickie - I Would Fix You

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