Series 3 Episode 1

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Podcast Series 3
August 2006 - September 2006
List of episodes


  1. Series 3 Episode 1 - 22 August 2006
  2. Series 3 Episode 2 - 29 August 2006
  3. Series 3 Episode 3 - 5 September 2006
  4. Series 3 Episode 4 - 12 September 2006
  5. Series 3 Episode 5 - 19 September 2006
  6. Series 3 Episode 6 - 26 September 2006

Ricky, Steve, and Karl are back after about 4 months away from podcasting. During the interim, Ricky and Steve have been filming the second series of Extras and Karl has been closely observing insects.

Track Listing

1. The Bee That Had a Heart Attack (0:00)

Ricky welcomes everyone to the third series and introduces Steve and Karl. While Ricky and Steve have been off filming Extras, Karl has been walking around the sweltering heat of London. Karl has taken this time to think and watch insects. He has noticed them doing some weird stuff, like when he saw a bee have a heart attack. It just fell from the air in front of him and laid on the ground “stone cold dead.” Ricky assumes the bee had the heart attack after seeing the roundness of Karl’s head.

2. Ants and Moths (4:05)

Suzanne doesn’t like it when Karl talks about death. When one of their mates had a baby he said by the time the baby was their age they would be dead. Ricky criticises Karl for making things up about bees; it's not necessary when there are many fascinating true facts about bees. Karl has also been watching ants and moths. He figures that a bit of guesswork about their lives is close enough. Karl doesn’t think that moths should have wings.

3. Dangerous Sports (7:30)

Karl went to Dorset during the break. He saw a fat family there, one of the kids was using a Frisbee to eat Maltesers out of rather than use it for something active. Ricky was alright at football, but not cricket or rugby. Steve's mother told him to be careful playing cricket because she once got hit by a cricket ball and was rendered unconscious for two hours. She also warned him against rugby because a kid broke his back playing it. Karl’s mate’s dad had eyelids that were too big so his mother wouldn’t let Karl get in the car with him to go play cricket.

4. Body Transplants (11:50)

On the subject of bodies, Karl mentions that they can now “change a head,” by putting it on a new body. Karl would feel more confident with someone else’s body so if people diss it he can say it’s not his. Ricky uses this opportunity to try and probe Karl to make him sound gay; asking him what he would do with the other person’s knob and testicles. Karl is not bothered because they aren’t his hands either.

5. The Definition of “Dictionary” (15:30)

Karl has kept writing in his diary in the time off and Steve reads another entry. Karl played with a ladybird in the park while Suzanne read the newspaper. When Suzanne wanted to lie in he woke her up by blasting the radio. He looked for the word “dictionary” in the dictionary and was surprised to see it there. Karl doesn’t want to learn a new language because he thinks he doesn’t have enough room for it in his brain.

6. Caveman With Hair Gel (19:52)

Steve continues to read Karl’s diary. Karl heard some interesting news; they found two new flies. They were found close to each other and Karl assumes they were “knocking about” with each other because both of them were odd. He also heard they dug up an old fella from back near the time of dinosaurs; he had gel in his hair.

7. Karl’s poem (23:27)

Inspired by a man on the radio reading poetry, Karl wrote a poem about his day in the diary. Ricky is shocked that he wrote it. After he hears it, he is pleasantly surprised and he would like to see it as a regular feature. Ricky also would like any experts on poetry to email in and critique his work. In addition to being a poet, Karl is now a published author.

8. Farewell (27:22)

Ricky says goodbye.

Karl’s Poem

If moths had eyes, would they be happier?
How do they know they're not dead?
Cavemen hunting for food
But not before they style the hair on their head
What would last longer in dinosaur times?
A blind man didn't stand a chance
Not with all them rocks about
I'd rather be a blind moth


Karl: I think if you haven’t got eyes, you shouldn’t have wings.

Ricky: They wouldn’t look at your body; they’d all look at your head.

Ricky: So what you’re doing is watching someone else wank.

Karl: If we copied insects we wouldn’t go far wrong.

Ricky: Fucking hell, more insects! What have you done? Is that all you’ve done this summer?

Steve: (reading Karl’s poem) If moths had eyes…
Ricky: Fuck me!
Steve: Let me read the poem, okay? You wouldn’t interrupt T.S. Eliot.

External Links


Episode available for purchase via iTunes or Amazon (via The Pilkipedia Shop)
Do not inquire about free downloads.

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