Series 3 Episode 5

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Podcast Series 3
August 2006 - September 2006
List of episodes


  1. Series 3 Episode 1 - 22 August 2006
  2. Series 3 Episode 2 - 29 August 2006
  3. Series 3 Episode 3 - 5 September 2006
  4. Series 3 Episode 4 - 12 September 2006
  5. Series 3 Episode 5 - 19 September 2006
  6. Series 3 Episode 6 - 26 September 2006

Karl’s book was officially released for sale and will be placed in the British Library. Steve tried to go to a club with his mates in the week but ended up getting humiliated. Karl shares his knowledge about the human body as well as offering some possible improvements.

Track Listing

1. Karl the Author (00:00)

Karl’s book has just come out and a copy will go in the British Library since they take everything. Karl thinks they should only put books that are important to the future in there rather than all books. Karl is ready for more critics like Wendy to put down his book. He thinks that people are impressed with Shakespeare because it’s old and so it gets more respect. Karl wonders if his story about the monkey fireman will get more respect in the future. Ricky is certain he will get less respect.

2. His Skull Fell Off (07:37)

Ricky and Steve criticize Karl’s diary because it doesn’t mention any world events and thus will not be studied in the future. But Karl asserts that his diary talks about a man whose skull fell off, and other topics that aren’t getting attention. Steve goes to the diary to see what he’s written and Karl has offered no information to explain how the man’s skull fell off.

3. Nail on the Forehead (09:43)

Karl with a nail on his head and testicles under his ears created by Honcho

Steve goes on to read the next entry from the diary where Karl tried to catch a falling toaster with his feet and injured his toe. Karl thinks toenails are more trouble than they’re worth, Ricky disagrees. Karl thinks it would be better to have a huge nail on your head for more protection. There’s a lot of stuff in your head.

4. Testicle Earlobes (13:08)

Karl went to see Body Worlds and feels he has a better understanding of the human body. The conversation moves onto testicles; if Karl could redesign his body he would put his testicles on his earlobes. It would be handier to check for lumps and they could be on the outside of the body. Steve calls for people to compose images of Karl with a giant nail on his head and testicles hanging off his earlobes. Ricky calls for a viral campaign where everyone puts up pictures of Karl’s round head so people will shout at him in the streets.

5. Young, Free, and Single (17:17)

Steve went out with the lads the other night and they ended up going to a club. They had been in the queue for 20 minutes but the doorman would not let them into the club. Steve’s friend went back to find out why and the man said it was because they didn’t have any girls with them. Steve thinks that’s just kicking them when they’re down. He then tried to use his celebrity status to get in through the VIP entrance. The woman wouldn’t let him in but she walked him to the front of the queue and told the bouncer who he was. The bouncer already knew who he was but still wouldn’t let him in. Meanwhile, people in the queue started recognizing him and asking for pictures and autographs which was humiliating for him.

6. Not as Fat as on Telly (22:07)

Ricky then tells a story about when he saw a group of builders on the street and one said to him, “Not as fat as on telly.” Ricky responded by sarcastically saying, “Cheers, mate.” Steve cannot get away with sarcasm with working class people, but Ricky can. Steve continues to talk about his night out. After the club they went to a singles party where Steve tried to use The Neg, by telling a woman her ears were too big for her head.

7. I Don’t Know, I Was Busy Counting (25:42)

More from Karl’s diary as read by Steve. Karl stayed up late to watch a programme about monkeys that sit on a bridge to collect tolls. Ricky insists they were not there to get tolls. Karl was also thinking about how horrible it would be to be a slug; he once saw one eating bird poop. Karl was being ignored by a shopkeeper and so he counted backwards from 20, the shopkeeper served him when he got to 6.


Karl: A fella’s skull has fell off. Ricky: What do you mean? Karl: He was just at home, combing his hair or whatever, and it - it come off. Ricky: WHAT DID??

Karl: I’m not gonna start looking into stuff in depth. Just get the details!

Ricky: I love the way that he wouldn’t mind having a nail growing out of his fucking head but he doesn’t want to carry a bag.


Episode available for purchase via iTunes
Do not inquire about free downloads.

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Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Karl's Diary | All...