Series 2 Episode 3
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Podcast Series 2
1.Dumbing Down Already? (0:00)
Ricky introduces the show and reads an email that complains that they are not swearing enough since they started charging. More criticism is aimed at Ricky about the Heaven and Hell Conundrum because he forgot to mention that the two guards have no prior knowledge. Ricky then admits his mistake since he was clearly proven wrong. Another celebrity is a fan of the show; an actor from Battlestar Galactica emailed in. Ricky’s ideal listener is a captain of industry, academic, or Stephen Hawking. Karl figures that Hawking would have time to listen because he’s “always online”. Karl would love to have a chat with Stephen Hawking about space and the universe because he thinks he could explain it in a way that he could understand.
2. Fish + Dog = Seal (4:17)
Steve tells Ricky about an Inuit who emailed in and listens to the show. Ricky and Steve assume that the only hobby of an Inuit is to skin seals. Karl wonders why seals still live there. Once again, Karl asks if it would be a problem if seals died out. He thinks they are in between a fish and a dog and so we don’t need ‘em. Karl thinks we should save the Inuits instead of the seals.
3. Finger Knobs (8:33)
Karl also wouldn’t mind having a chat with the German doctor who cuts up bodies on the telly. Karl wonders if he’s a proper doctor or just some bloke who cuts bodies up. Karl would ask why the intestines have to be that long. He speculates that they had to be that long ages ago when they were eating dinosaur. But now we’re eating yogurt which doesn’t need all that work. Karl’s Auntie Nora eats all her food mashed: “She's got teeth but she doesn’t need ‘em”. Karl then brings up someone who had an identical twin and decided to give one of his arms to the twin. Ricky is having none of it, there is no way a doctor would agree to do that. Karl tries again by bringing up a man who lost his knob and had it replaced with one of his fingers.
4. Solution for a Non-Problem (14:34)
Karl saw a man who had a picture of his twins on his desk. He suggested that since his desk was small he should just have a picture of one of them. He’s surprised that the man looked at him like he was mental.
5. Meat-Eating Cancer (15:24)
Steve talks about a luxury hotel where the best rooms are underwater. Karl wouldn’t like that, it’s too over the top. Ricky wonders why people eat things that are dangerous, like fish that can kill you. Ricky has heard of a place in Japan where people eat live octopus. Ricky thinks it’s cruel and Karl wonders how fresh people really need their food. Karl talks about a man who had throat cancer and was told by the doctor not to eat meat. His wife feels sorry for him one day and gives him meat anyways. As the man was about to eat it, the cancer came out, waiting for it and he choked to death. Ricky and Steve don’t believe a word of it.
6. Eye Surgery (18:53)
Karl talks about another medical oddity he heard as a kid from his mother. His gran had something wrong with her eyes and when they took them out they were dangling against her cheek and she could still see out of them. Ricky immediately questions this, saying she would have been unconscious, but Karl insists that the eyes needed to be awake.
7. Pig-Headed Woman and Drunk Bees (20:23)
Time for another installment of Karl's Diary. Karl talks about a band from “the Conga”. He thought the Conga was a really depressing place so he wonders why the dance called the Conga is so happy. Ricky corrects his mistake then makes fun of him. Karl went into a gadget shop and the only good thing he found was a clock that runs on potatoes. Karl also met up with an old school mate; he learned that another mate from school was now living underground. Ricky totally accepts this considering the other people Karl went to school with. Karl also read a science magazine and learned that “space is running out of space”, and “shark attacks are up”. While Karl went for a walk around Manchester Square he remembered the Pig Woman of Manchester Square. He figures this means there must be other pig-headed women. Karl also watched part of a subtitled film about Hitler. He asked Suzanne if cinemas for films with subtitles are filled with deaf people. Ricky told Karl about drunk bees. Karl heard that bees shouldn’t be able to fly so he figures that if someone told them this, they wouldn’t bother.
8. Absolute Twaddle (28:23)
Karl reads out the answers and winner for last week’s Rockbusters. Ricky criticizes each clue saying they don’t work. Steve says the Morrissey one is the worst one he’s ever done. Ricky says this is the last time they’re doing Rockbusters.
That Jamaican fella doesn’t want anything. ND.
I ask them to pass me the ball by using their head. E.
He’s got the wooly ones, but I’ve got the ones that run and charge at you. What have I got? TR.
- Ricky: What sort of a cunt would write that email?
- Karl: Could the world fall?
- Karl: Even a seal that’s in between something already? It’s between a fish and a… and a dog.
- Karl: You’ve got a lot of fingers. How many of them do you use?
- Karl: It’s no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep.
- Ricky: Stop talking shit all your life.
- Ricky:where do you come from?
ahh hokey cokey, it's a terrible place we dont know whether to throw our left leg in or right leg in and sometimes we shake it all about
Episode available for purchase via iTunes or Amazon (via The Pilkipedia Shop)
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