Series 2 Episode 2

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Podcast Series 2
February 2006 - April 2006
List of episodes


  1. Series 2 Episode 1 - 27 February 2006
  2. Series 2 Episode 2 - 7 March 2006
  3. Series 2 Episode 3 - 16 March 2006
  4. Series 2 Episode 4 - 21 March 2006
  5. Series 2 Episode 5 - 28 March 2006
  6. Series 2 Episode 6 - 4 April 2006

This episode features the infamous Rio anecdote, involving Steve, Ipanema Beach, the ocean, and his knob. Karl keeps refusing to do Monkey News but there is still Karl's Diary and Rockbusters.

Track Listing

1. America Loves Karl (0:00)

Ricky has just returned from a trip to America to write an episode of The Simpsons and visit the set of The Office (US Series). He reports that everyone he meets is talking about Karl, including Jason Bateman, David Letterman, Christopher Guest, and David Bowie. At the Oxonian Society at Princeton University, Ricky was asked if Monkey News was coming back. Karl is still unsure about bringing it back; he still thinks nothing is happening in the monkey world. Karl thinks there is too much news being reported anyway.

2. Life, Death, and Books (4:20)

Karl likes hearing about new inventions, yet Ricky reminds him that he once said that everything that needs to be invented already has. Karl just thinks people are messing about too much with inventions, like a heart that can prolong someone’s life. He thinks we should just let people die rather than keeping them alive forever. Karl compares life to a book. His book is 300 pages long (with pictures) and he is on page 170.

3. Steve in Rio (8:12)

Steve has also been away, he was in Rio De Janeiro for carnivale on holiday. While there, he almost drowned, had a foot infection, and had diarrhoea for most of the trip, including the 12 hour flight home. Steve then tells a detailed account of his first day in Rio when he went to Ipanema Beach. While walking along the beach he needed to have a wee so he decided to go in the ocean. Steve feels that if you have to wee in the ocean you should pull down your swim trunks rather than just go. Yet, since he is so tall, he had to kneel down to disguise what he was doing. So he gets out his “John Thomas” but then the waves retreat and he’s left there with nothing to cover him up. So he must go deeper in the water where the waves are stronger. He is ready to try again; “John Thomas” is out and everything, but then a huge wave wipes him out. To make matters worse, he wasn’t wearing his glasses because he didn’t want to lose them. He desperately tries to wave at his friends while the waves keep pulling him back but he drifted down the beach and was, in fact, waving at strangers. All the people on the beach, including Steve’s friends, were laughing at the tall, lanky, pale man with his knob hanging out struggling in the sea. Ricky says he wouldn’t have helped him either if he was there.

4. Ricky’s Cat (14:35)

Steve reads from Karl's Diary; Karl was asked by his mam to look up the weather in Spain for his Auntie Nora. Karl often is asked to do research for Auntie Nora, like when he had to find out if she could get her lawn astro-turfed. Karl then complains about how Ricky has arranged for his mate Glyn to watch Ollie while he and Jane go on holiday. Karl is upset that the cat gets special treatment; Steve doesn’t like the cat either because whenever he comes over it “goes straight for [his] goolies”. Karl also complains about Ricky’s pet salamander.

5. Sonograms (17:10)

Karl also writes in his diary about when a pregnant woman showed him a “scan of the kid that was in her.” He thought it looked like a frog. Karl doesn’t understand why anyone would want a picture like that. It was an awkward situation for Karl when she showed him because he had nothing to say about it.

6. 1 + 1 Poppadoms (18:50)

Steve continues to read from Karl’s diary. Karl met Suzanne and agreed to sort out the tea but the fella at The Curry House couldn’t understand him when he said he wanted two poppadoms. He said he wanted “one more than one,” and the man finally understood him, yet when he got home there were 5 poppadoms in the bag. Karl also writes about restaurants that serve knobs, you have to book in advance to get the seal penis.

7. Do We Need ‘Em? (20:08)

Karl called Ricky in the week and asked him the difference between the mind and the brain. Ricky ignored the question and instead told Karl about Spider Island. Karl once heard that you couldn’t get rid of spiders because the world needs them for some reason. Ricky feels this is true for anything, but Karl still thinks you can get rid of jellyfish.

8. More Manc Whinging (21:44)

Still reading from the diary, Karl writes about an old woman with a bent neck and how she must be struggling with the rainy weather. Karl’s back is bothering him; he still hasn’t recovered from when he tried to kick his own height. Suzanne wanted to see Brokeback Mountain but Karl wanted to stay in to see a programme about a two-headed kid.

9. It Doesn’t Have to be a Stick (23:32)

The Rockbusters winner is announced along with the clues and the answers from last week. Karl then reads out the clues for the next week which sort of work.


Steal that woman's flower. RP.
Keep whacking the cooker with a stick. B.
Venice. It's all water innit? So how would you describe it? M.


Steve: Day one, I almost drowned. Day two, I got a foot infection and spent the day in the hospital and the rest of the time I had diarrhoea.

Ricky: With his shirt off you could see his heart like a newborn fish.

Steve: So there’s a bunch of these beautiful women on Ipanema Beach watching a pasty white man waving, with his cock out.

Ricky: I couldn’t have saved you with your glasses off and your knob out.

Karl: I couldn’t say, “Oh, it looks like you,” cos that would be a diss.

Karl: They say a world without spiders wouldn’t be good.
Ricky: Who says that?
Karl: I don’t know… someone.

Karl: (on a jellyfish) It’s 97% water, or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3%, make ‘em water.


  • Karl spoke to an expert in an aquarium about jellyfish on an Xfm show on 21 December 2002 for a feature called Do We Need 'Em?.
  • Karl first mentioned the story where he tried to kick his own height on the Xfm show on 13 April 2002.

External Links


Episode available for purchase via iTunes or Amazon (via The Pilkipedia Shop)
Do not inquire about free downloads.

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Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Karl's Diary | All...