Series 1 Episode 6

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Podcast Series 1 December 2005 - February 2006 List of episodes

Episodes: Series 1 Episode 1 - 5 December 2005 Series 1 Episode 2 - 12 December 2005 Series 1 Episode 3 - 19 December 2005 Series 1 Episode 4 - 26 December 2005 Series 1 Episode 5 - 2 January 2006 Series 1 Episode 6 - 9 January 2006 Series 1 Episode 7 - 16 January 2006 Series 1 Episode 8 - 23 January 2006 Series 1 Episode 9 - 30 January 2006 Series 1 Episode 10 - 6 February 2006 Series 1 Episode 11 - 13 February 2006 Series 1 Episode 12 - 20 February 2006

Homeless fellas, freaks, monkey news. Karl Pilkington.

Track Listing

1. Who's Pausing This Show? (0:00)

Steve points out an error that some people are having when they pause the show, which confuses Ricky - "hold on, who's pausing this show halfway through?"

2. Karl, You. Rock. (1:16)

Nicky from Beverly Hills, California tells Karl that although his head "is not normal" and he looks "gimp", Gervais and Merchant should not ridicule him. Pilkington replies with a simple "cheers". He believes the only reason he looks odd is that he has no hair, but Ricky has some additional thoughts about Karl's looks, and Steve says the emails agree. Ricky bursts.

3. Chinese Homeless (2:23)

Steve announces people have heeded Karl's call and have been going out looking for Chinese homeless people. Apparently there are a lot in Los Angeles as there is a large homeless community there. He brings up Amy from Vancouver, Canada who is Chinese herself and has never seen one. She even went for a walk around the Chinatown in her area, and she couldn't find any.

4. Chinese Midget Homeless (3:34)

Ricky reads out an e-mail from a New Yorker. He's seen a Chinese midget homeless who has been living there for the last thirty years. He even includes a picture of the man, which cost him $10. This worries Karl, as taking pictures of ordinary Chinese homeless may start a fight. He is quick to point out, however, that this occasion was not a problem as it's easy to hold a midget back. Ricky asks of him,"so is that your warning to people? Don't be taking pictures of fully grown Chinese homeless?"

Pillow Man

5. He's Fascinated By Difference (4:44)

Steve begins a sentence with "many of the listeners are aware, Karl, that you're fascinated by, by smaller people.." when Ricky interrupts and corrects him - "well... he's fascinated by difference, I think". He brings up Karl's appearance again by saying that most people do not look like him. Karl, in return, brings up the first time he saw Merchant - "it was just, oh, that's different". He goes on to say he's now "got used to it". The conversation moves swiftly from Stephen Merchant to freaks. Ricky brings up the book Karl used to carry around with him, which allows Steve to return to the e-mail he began to read out. A listener asks who Karl would most like to spend a day with out of all the people he's seen in his "odd magazines". Ricky recalls "Pillow Man" (right). He has no limbs, and yet he can roll cigarettes with his mouth. Karl is not impressed. Ricky then asks his thoughts on the three-legged juggler. The fact that he wasn't using his gift annoyed Karl - he thought he should have done something with his legs, such as running or swimming. They go on to talk about the man who ages fast. Karl takes this to mean "every other week he's havin' a birthday". He is becoming stressed at the idea of choosing one of these freaks to hang around with. He comes to the realisation that his choice depends what he plans to do with them.

6. I Could Stand There For Up To, Like... Four Minutes (7:31)

Wendy asks "if Karl had to eat the same dinner every day for the rest of his life, what would he eat?" He says that he doesn't taste it anyway, he just eats it quickly. He questions when it became important that food was tasty and seasoned. Ricky mentions that we need sugar and salt, and we need to know what they taste like to know that we're getting them. Rick has misinterpreted Karl, believing he is talking about an evolutionary standpoint, whereas Karl was just talking about chefs. Karl goes on to say that he doesn't like too much choice. He mentions all the different types of toffee available to buy in a toffee shop, which leads to ridicule from Ricky and Steve. Karl says that it would take him up to four minutes to choose which toffee he would want to buy. He would be content with one or two selections of toffees. He goes on to say that menus in restaurants are now like books, making you look through everything until you find what you want to eat. People are now even eating food that can be harmful to humans. Karl is simply perplexed by this.

7. Don't Be Chuckin' Stuff About (11:06)

Karl opens this link with the saying "a stitch in time saves nine". He still does not understand this, and is not bothered about it - "Suzanne repairs me stuff, anyway". He then brings up "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones". He takes this in a very literal sense, as he thinks there used to be people living in glass houses. Steve is dumbfounded at how stupid Karl is. Karl then goes on to express that the saying would now describe plasma televisions and ornaments. After Ricky and Seve both try to make Karl understand, Ricky thinks he's got the answer. "Karl, what is an analogy?" Karl responds, "a little story told quickly", which makes Ricky giggle. Karl gives his own analogy, somewhat similar to the previous one. "People who live in a glass house have to answer the door". He means this in a literal sense, and Ricky tells Karl that this can mean something more metaphorical. Karl says it can mean that as well.

8. The Judges Have Got a Disguise (17:43)

Ricky asks Karl if he would ever wear a wig, to which Karl replies the only time he wanted to wear a wig was when he did jury duty. "I was sat on the jury, right in front of these... criminals." He believes judges wear a wig to disguise them. He's annoyed because he couldn't have been closer to the defendants and he wondered why he didn't just pop a little wig on.

9. Before We Kill Our Chickens, We Give It a Great Life (19:13)

Karl's New Year's resolution is to learn something new everyday. Ricky says it doesn't count if you forget it the next day. Karl has learned about the octopus, but Ricky figures he's thinking of Squidly Diddly. Karl's next story is about a farmer with a lazy chicken. Ricky thinks the animals in Karl's stories are smarter than Karl. Ricky expounds on bloodsports like foxhunting and bullfighting. Karl thinks a rubbish chicken can't wait to get the axe, which brings up the subject of beheadings. A Proper Science Magazine reveals an experiment in which someone has got the chop and then the executioners chucked a load of questions at the head. Ricky says Karl's head would just roll away.

10. They Brought the Short Ladders (26:52)

Monkey News involves a skyscraper fire in New York and a short little hero with long hairy arms. DJ ReachAround presents a dance mix version of "I Could Eat a Knob at Night."

Quotes

Ricky: No, it's perfectly round, your head. Perfectly spherical head, your face is slightly too big for it, it always goes over the, almost goes over the sides. Perfectly round head, um, pug little nose, funny gimp eyes with no expression, hangdog look, like a little mouth, like a little lamp ray, not formed, not human formed, the way your expression, is, it is like you've had a lobotomy, your head goes weird at the back, it's got a little nod in it, uh, it's really strange, your face. And you're stupid.

Karl: Don't be chuckin' stuff about... if you're surrounded by glass, and what have ya.

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