Series 1 Episode 5

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Disclaimer: This summary is not intended as a substitute or replacement for this podcast or material such as The World of Karl Pilkington, rather it is intended as an archive for reference on its content and information surrounding it.

Podcast Series 1
December 2005 - February 2006
List of episodes


  1. Series 1 Episode 1 - 5 December 2005
  2. Series 1 Episode 2 - 12 December 2005
  3. Series 1 Episode 3 - 19 December 2005
  4. Series 1 Episode 4 - 26 December 2005
  5. Series 1 Episode 5 - 2 January 2006
  6. Series 1 Episode 6 - 9 January 2006
  7. Series 1 Episode 7 - 16 January 2006
  8. Series 1 Episode 8 - 23 January 2006
  9. Series 1 Episode 9 - 30 January 2006
  10. Series 1 Episode 10 - 6 February 2006
  11. Series 1 Episode 11 - 13 February 2006
  12. Series 1 Episode 12 - 20 February 2006

Ricky, Steve and Karl continue the series of twelve, with show five. Karl Pilkington finally gets quoted after almost five years on the air, as his personal mantra floods the internet...

Track Listing

1. No Bum Tubes (00:00)

Ricky talks about the overwhelming feedback they've got from his request for a dance mega-mix of Karl saying "I could eat a knob at night". The best one will be played at the end of the show. Ricky gets an unusual text message from Karl: C U 2moz 4 a face rub at 6, no bum tubs on tho. Karl sent it to the wrong person, he meant to send it to a friend who asked him to go and have a "face rub", to which he agreed but had some questions and wasn't willing to have a colonic irrigation. Karl likened it to The Generation Game.

2. I Think There Is Some Bacteria With Better Lives Than That (04:30)

Steve saw a documentary called Tribes. In this show, a documentary maker lives with some of the world's most dangerous tribes including some that are still cannibalistic. Steve describes what this man got up to with a cannibal tribe in Papua New Guinea. Karl is perplexed and wonders why they just don't move. Ricky has had similar thoughts about Inuits. Karl offends and dismisses two world races. Karl discusses cavemen, cavemen bear-pants and cavemen footage.

3. They Get You To Turn Your Mobile Phone Off In Some Wards (12:15)

Paul "The Party Animal" Parker has been in touch. He must have had an insane New Year, but has managed to search out a news story for the lads a la their regular feature during Xfm Series 3. Apparently, a 6 month old boy was made wait for two hours while a doctor was pedaling on a unicycle. Ricky and Steve take a sideways look at the story. Ricky also expresses annoyance at twat hippies and Steve can't grasp the musical Stomp.

4. Who Wants Russian Wood? (16:45)

Ricky went shopping with Karl before Christmas. They had a look around an antiques shop with old Russian wood carvings. Karl was unimpressed and thinks the people who inspired these artworks don't deserve to be immortalized in wood. They shouldn't get plaques. There were too many saints years ago, more people in this day and age should be made into saints, like nurses, who carry lungs about. Karl's mam wanted him to be a doctor.

In this segment, Ricky repeatedly and incorrectly refers to Russian Icons as Iconoclasts.

5. You're Talking Bollocks (23:05)

[email protected] if you have any Monkey News for Karl. An Australian listener has emailed in telling Karl that when "that bad wind happened" (Hurricane Katrina) some dolphins with guns strapped to them managed to escape, and they are well trained. Ricky once again dismisses the story as nonsense, but Karl warns the listening public to be wary as dolphins may not be as friendly as they appear. More animal stuff: the cloning of the first mammoth has almost been achieved. Karl thinks it's a waste of a scientist's time, as they could be putting their brain to better use. Ricky explains the worth of the scientific experiment.

6. Come For The Brandy, Stay For The Wife (29:47)

Time for Monkey News. Karl has decided to revisit a classic Monkey News that new listeners won't be familiar with. It's the tale of Oliver the Humanzee, the chimp who was a bit lonely in the zoo as there was no other monkeys and became mates with the zoo keeper. As time went on he started helping the zoo keeper with his work. After a while, the monkey moved in with the zoo keeper... and trouble ensues.

7. This is Shameless (36:26)

Happy New Year, especially to those guys at Positive Internet and Guardian Unlimited. The show ends with a dance mega-mix of "I Could Eat a Knob at Night".


Karl: How far away are these "Papa People"...
Steve: They're like The Smurfs, they're very like The Smurfs.

Karl: [Speaking of tribes and Inuits] I think there is some bacteria that has better lives than that.

Karl: I'll tell you what, it's me birthday coming up. I'll tell you what.. you know what I'd like, some old Russian wood.

Ricky: Cloning a mammoth, even if it is pointless, the feat.. and I don't mean its feet.
Steve: I can tell that's what he was thinking, the way his eyes moved.

Karl: He sees Ollie, he doesn't tell him [he can move in] straight away...
Ricky: [Laughs] Like it's a surprise!
Karl: [Zookeeper to Ollie] Get your coat.


  • The person Karl intended to send his "no bum tubes" text to was none other than Russell Brand. Russell and Karl discuss this incident on the 2005-12-27 6 Music show they did together.

External Links


Episode available for purchase via iTunes or Amazon (via The Pilkipedia Shop)
Do not inquire about free downloads.

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