Series 1 Episode 8

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Disclaimer: This summary is not intended as a substitute or replacement for this podcast or material such as The World of Karl Pilkington, rather it is intended as an archive for reference on its content and information surrounding it.

Podcast Series 1
December 2005 - February 2006
List of episodes


  1. Series 1 Episode 1 - 5 December 2005
  2. Series 1 Episode 2 - 12 December 2005
  3. Series 1 Episode 3 - 19 December 2005
  4. Series 1 Episode 4 - 26 December 2005
  5. Series 1 Episode 5 - 2 January 2006
  6. Series 1 Episode 6 - 9 January 2006
  7. Series 1 Episode 7 - 16 January 2006
  8. Series 1 Episode 8 - 23 January 2006
  9. Series 1 Episode 9 - 30 January 2006
  10. Series 1 Episode 10 - 6 February 2006
  11. Series 1 Episode 11 - 13 February 2006
  12. Series 1 Episode 12 - 20 February 2006

Track Listing

1. A Quarter of a Million People Bothering To Listen (0:00:00)

Ricky thanks the ever-increasing listenership and Steve is baffled by the fact people listen. Thanks sent around the world and to England where they record in a little room in London. Karl doesn't do anything but he's been on holiday again. Karl is not evidence for the fact holidays are good for your brain. He's been to Gran Canaria but there's not much to do there as it is just a big rock. Steve queries why they bothered to go back to another rock. Armstrong knew he was going to a rock and went anyway. Ricky asks Karl to give some insight into the moon landing. The third bloke is never remembered. Karl bets the moon was better than Gran Canaria. It's full of old people and that's probably why it was named that. Karl has decided to start a diary. Will it be like Samuel Pepys's diary? Ricky is dying to read from it and he and Steve are hysterical at how big it is. Does Karl know about joined-up writing? Ricky begins reading. Karl's got an idea about a watch that counts down your life. Just pop it on your wrist. Steve continues reading the diary about a man reading a magazine, a fat guy playing darts, people in Gran Canaria in a wheelchair, cross-eyed people at the hotel. Does everyone think in their accent? Old men's ears and noses carry on growing, as does Suzanne's arse. Argument about paying for food on an all-inclusive holiday is solved by the fact they have pie. Café named Tattoos where they never saw the wife. They sat and watched a cat lick its bollocks. They've done nothing but Karl had a kip. Ducks were being badly treated and a fat man from Bolton got out of the pool and burped. Is there more chance of getting sun burnt if you're fat? They got up early on the last day to get the last bit of cloud. Ricky loves the diary and will put some on his website.

2. A Milkbottle on His Head (13:25)

Jake, the director at Positive Internet has emailed and is trying to get the podcast into the Guinness Book of World Records. Ricky used to get the Guinness Book every year, but Steve is bemused. Guinness Book chat about how no one is trying to beat some of the records. Biggest Joss Stick Disaster. Don't run backwards. Long fingernails must be an affliction. Karl wants to see a practical application to the records, and Steve had a friend who was in the audience at a Guinness Record in America.

3. Everyone's Calling Me Spud (18:05)

A listener wants to know if they've had any cruel nicknames. Steve aged 12 told his mate Phil about his new nickname but it never caught on. Karl's dad's mates's nicknames were descriptive: John the Screw, Fred the Veg, Tattoo Stan, Jimmy the Hat. Karl teaches Ricky and Steve about C.B. workings, including his handles Pilky01 and Boxer Boy. What's your 20? How many candles are you burning? Side on.

4. Crazy Talk from the Mouth of Karl Pilkington (27:16)

Time for Monkey News and Ricky does the jingle twice. There was a bit of an incident at the last Olympics involving the bobsleigh competitions.

Tuesday 17th January 2006

5. For Our American Listeners (32:45)

Goodbyes all around, and congratulations to Steve Carell on his Golden Globe. Ricky wonders whether it's the first time "a Golden Globe has been won by two different people for the same character".


Ricky: (laughing) It's the greatest... holiday .. in the world!

Ricky: And now the 100m: Ooh! One of them is putting a milk bottle on his head

Karl: Jimmy the 'at


  • Ricky was the first to read Karl's Diary aloud but from then on, Steve read it on the podcasts.

External Links


Episode available for purchase via iTunes or Amazon (via The Pilkipedia Shop)
Do not inquire about free downloads.

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Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Karl's Diary | All...