Series 1 Episode 7

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Disclaimer: This summary is not intended as a substitute or replacement for this podcast or material such as The World of Karl Pilkington, rather it is intended as an archive for reference on its content and information surrounding it.

Podcast Series 1
December 2005 - February 2006
List of episodes


  1. Series 1 Episode 1 - 5 December 2005
  2. Series 1 Episode 2 - 12 December 2005
  3. Series 1 Episode 3 - 19 December 2005
  4. Series 1 Episode 4 - 26 December 2005
  5. Series 1 Episode 5 - 2 January 2006
  6. Series 1 Episode 6 - 9 January 2006
  7. Series 1 Episode 7 - 16 January 2006
  8. Series 1 Episode 8 - 23 January 2006
  9. Series 1 Episode 9 - 30 January 2006
  10. Series 1 Episode 10 - 6 February 2006
  11. Series 1 Episode 11 - 13 February 2006
  12. Series 1 Episode 12 - 20 February 2006

Ricky, Steve and Karl move swiftly along to their seventh online podcast.

Track Listing

1. Hello! I'm Already Writing My Speech, Baby! (0:00:00)

Ricky kicks off the show in trademark style. Is there an award for podcasting? If so, he is confident. Steve reminds the fans to register on to get updates on the future shows. More and more correspondents pour in. People have put a lot of effort into various art projects inspired by the trio, including a flattering drawing of them in a studio, which inspires Ricky to spout a now-famous soundbite, relating to Karl's head. An emailer has an intriguing question for Karl: "What body parts could you live without?" - other than, obviously, the brain. Karl remembers an occasion when he struggled with the washing up as he was attempting to do it without his thumbs. Ricky explains the necessity of thumbs from an evolutionary standpoint, but this is, of course, lost on Karl. This also reminds Karl of the time he saw a naked woman while washing up and decided to show her a bit of arse cheek back, to even it out. Karl also remembers the other weirdos who live across from him.

2. Your Little Round-Headstone (8:16)

Karl has a new mantra: "Never has a Manc said so much, to so many, that means so little". More animal facts for Karl. Octopus have testicles in their head, which isn't surprising as all they are is a head. The next question for Karl is "What person would Karl most like to be?" Karl, as always, has many questions about the specifics of the query. He would be Bruce Willis. Although, being rich has its own disadvantages. Karl has recently ended a ten year job, and finds he has a lot of free time. He feels like an old man, because he is pottering about and all of a sudden, going to the cobblers is a day out. This reminds Karl of his Uncle Alf who was a cobbler. Alf slept in a rubber dinghy and had two broken TVs. Karl likens the shoes Uncle Alf cobbles to the cars on Pimp My Ride. Karl is considering walking dogs and doing a paper rounds as a career to make ends meet and still be happy.

3. I Think That Was Newton - "Knowledge is Hassle" (0:16:06)

People are emailing brainy stuff. Lots of philosophy, including info about Descartes. Ricky summarises Descartes' ideas. He said "I think, therefore I am". This annoys Karl. Karl mentions Plato, who he thinks was killed by an egg dropped by a bird who thought his bald head was a rock. Ricky and Steve are understandably stunned. Karl thinks this attests to the fact that knowledge is hassle. If Plato was just working in a factory, he wouldn't have had money to go on holiday and wouldn't have died.

4. Is It To Do With Sewing? (0:20:04)

More discussions on well known mantras. Steve mentions "a stitch in time saves nine" and asks for Karl's interpretation. Ricky explains the analogy. Karl has his own theory in relation to the mantra. Ricky dismisses Karl's idea, and Karl mentions his lack of desire to go to the doctor. As always, it boils down to his concern they're going to try the old finger trick. Ricky and Steve explain its simplicity and necessity once again, but Karl is still unwilling to change his opposition. He would like to be taught how to do it himself.

5. They Go From Building to Building Just Building (0:25:15)

It's that time - Monkey News. Similar to last week, this week's is about tall buildings. While working on a building site, a man is surprised to see a little fella working on the top bit. He is curious why this bloke stays working high up and never comes down, after more investigation, the bloke makes a startling revelation...

6. Thank You for Listening (0:30:017)

Ricky thanks the listeners, Positive Internet and Guardian Unlimited.


Steve: That's a very flattering picture of you Rick, you look about 14.
Ricky: I know. Karl, has got a head like a fucking orange!

Karl: But, what do you mean by forward facing eyes? So years ago they had eyes that looked back into the head?

Karl: I just sorta, look through everyone's window, seeing what they're up to, nowt wrong with that.
Ricky: Brilliant.
Karl: That's why I like washing up.

Steve: If these birds are dropping eggs on bald heads, then you [Karl] are in trouble.

Karl: Knowledge is hassle.

Karl: It's 2006 now, why are we still using the finger?

Karl: That's where the saying comes from, you know how there's a lot of old buildings in New York, it's like, "a chimp off the old block".


  • Ricky's "fucking orange" soundbite would be one of the Podcasts' most famous and has been frequently been repeated in the months and years since its original broadcast. Steve has often mused on the number of times people have shouted this phrase to him on the street.
  • The tale of Karl taking a peek at a naked lady is originally told on the series finale of Xfm Series 2.
  • Karl's "why are we still using the finger?" question was later reused in a video podcast in which Ricky and Steve discussed Ricky's efforts to help various charities, including those for Prostate Cancer.
  • This show's Monkey News was animated by Karl's friend Laurie Peters and was subsequently released as a video podcast.

External Links


Episode available for purchase via iTunes or Amazon (via The Pilkipedia Shop)
Do not inquire about free downloads.

Series 1 | Series 2 | Series 3 | Series 5
The Podfather | Video Podcasts | Other Podcasts... | Guide To...
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Karl's Diary | All...