16 March 2002

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Xfm Series 1
November 2001 - May 2002
List of episodes


  1. 10 November 2001 (Transcript)
  2. 17 November 2001 (Transcript)
  3. 24 November 2001 (Transcript)
  4. 01 December 2001 (Transcript)
  5. 08 December 2001 (Transcript)
  6. 15 December 2001 (Transcript)
  7. 22 December 2001 (Transcript)
  8. 12 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.1
  9. 19 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.2
  10. 26 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.3
  11. 09 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.4
  12. 16 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.5
  13. 23 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.6
  14. 02 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.7
  15. 09 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.8
  16. 16 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.9
  17. 23 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.10
  18. 30 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.11
  19. 06 April 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.12
  20. 13 April 2002 (Transcript)
  21. 20 April 2002 (Transcript)
  22. 27 April 2002 (Transcript)
  23. 04 May 2002 (Transcript)

The first segment in this show is often missing.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 16 March 2002/Transcript.

1. Wurzel Comeback (0:00:00)

After exchanging pleasantries ("Stupid Fat Face", "You Goggle-eyed Freak"), Ricky likens Steve to a Wurzel, then challenges the listener to phone in if they know what he's talking about. Ricky boasts there's a great show ahead of them, but then admits he is bluffing. Steve wonders how a 'best of' CD from Toni Basil (of 'Hey Mickey'-fame) ended up in the Xfm library.

2. Pudding Sponsored by Electrolux (0:04:07)

Johnny Mango calls to let Ricky know one of the Wurzels is dead, killed by a tractor. Karl speculates how bad it would be to kill someone famous. Ricky and Steve went to the TRIC awards, emceed by Tom O'Conner, who started the evening with grace. Thank you to all the celebrities. Lifetime achievement award given to Gloria Hunniford, who's not spoken to her daughter for ages.

3. Testicles (Absence Of) (0:11:38)

Karl's been studying Hitler ("they're all linked"). Karl's more confident in his lottery numbers this week and doesn't understand basic Maths.

4. He Rid Ireland of Foxes (0:15:53)

Steve hates St. Patrick's Day. The boys will be off through May and June to record the 2nd series of The Office, but Karl doesn't want to take over. Karl's not sure what St. Patrick rid Ireland of, and Ricky tries to teach Karl grammar, to Steve's disapproval. Would your eyes fly out if you sneezed with them open?

5. Took the Literary World By Surprise (0:21:31)

Steve reads from the TRIC programme and makes more fun of Tom O'Conner. Reminiscing about their favourite Crosswits presenters. Ricky does David Bowie and Ian Camfield impressions.

6. She Wasn't Injured! (0:25:47)

The show lacks sound effects, but Karl's too busy reading about Hitler. White Van Karl: Will Young admitting he is gay; the police protesting to Parliament over reforms; Britney Spears may be cracking up; should celebrities have more privacy? First account of the True Bathroom Story, with Zoe Harris and Karl as grownups in infant school.

7. Ask Me Some Stuff On Hitler (0:33:55)

Karl gives a lengthy report on Hitler, but knew more that morning. Next week is Winston Churchill but Karl's getting bored with learning. Karl already knows something about Churchill though: he can remember being in the womb and he was born in a public toilet.

8. 17 Quadrillion Gallons (0:40:42)

Ricky and Steve ponder the Hindenburg's helium, and Karl wonders if their voices went funny. Karl doesn't like being forced to read about these historical figures. Ricky does some more homemade sound effects. What is Karl's favourite thing in the world? Little interesting bits. Karl can bring any subject around to monkeys. What happened to the sound effect guy from Police Academy?

9. Oh, the Humanity (0:46:22)

Listeners get in touch to correct Ricky and Steve on their Hindenburg error - it was filled with hydrogen, not helium. It would take 6000 helium balloons to lift a human - will anyone sponsor the show to lift Karl?

10. Lift Karl, Lift Karl (0:49:41)

Ricky is getting incredibly excited about the idea of lifting Karl into the air with balloons. Steve tries to talk them out of it with the logistical details but Ricky is unswayed. Ricky hasn't been this excited since he thought Robin Ince was going to stay in his cupboard.

11. Proving Mrs Matthews Wrong (0:55:09)

Johnny Mango calls back with the record details: 11,631 feet is the world record for raising a man in the air by balloon. Even Karl is getting excited, and they all are going to work on making it happen.


Karl: Well that's my job, but unfortunately I'm busy reading about Hitler

Karl: And she was cryin’ cos someone had stood on her dress and put a bit of a hole in it, and I said, 'Oh, for God’s sake…'"

Ricky: People have walked on the moon for christ sake; we can raise Karl Pilkington with some balloons...


The White Stripes - Fell In Love With A Girl
The Strokes - Last Night
Cornershop - Lessons Learned from Rocky
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge
Wu-Tang Clan - Uzi
David Bowie - Sorrow
Travis - Flowers in the Window
Elliott Smith - Son of Sam
P.J. Harvey - This is Love
Blur - Girls and Boys
The Hives - Hate to Say I Told You So
Song For The Lovers: The Beatles - You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
Song For The Ladies: Belle and Sebastian - The Loneliness of a Middle Distance Runner

External Links

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...