20 April 2002

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Xfm Series 1
November 2001 - May 2002
List of episodes


  1. 10 November 2001 (Transcript)
  2. 17 November 2001 (Transcript)
  3. 24 November 2001 (Transcript)
  4. 01 December 2001 (Transcript)
  5. 08 December 2001 (Transcript)
  6. 15 December 2001 (Transcript)
  7. 22 December 2001 (Transcript)
  8. 12 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.1
  9. 19 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.2
  10. 26 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.3
  11. 09 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.4
  12. 16 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.5
  13. 23 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.6
  14. 02 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.7
  15. 09 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.8
  16. 16 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.9
  17. 23 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.10
  18. 30 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.11
  19. 06 April 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.12
  20. 13 April 2002 (Transcript)
  21. 20 April 2002 (Transcript)
  22. 27 April 2002 (Transcript)
  23. 04 May 2002 (Transcript)

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 20 April 2002/Transcript.

1. One Day I Hope To Sleep With A Lady (0:00:00)

Karl suggests a Stereophonics track to start off the show but is shot down by Ricky and Steve. Karl and Steve talk about the mobile discos they had in their teenage years. Steve reveals that his was first called "The Rock and Roll DJs" but then became "The Fantasy Island Roadshow". He then tells of the time he DJd a scout jamboree and caused quite a commotion when he played "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and Rage Against the Machine. Ricky suggests that this was probably the highlight of Steve's life.

2. How Many Calculators Do You Need? (0:05:41)

Ricky talks about the time he stole records from his brother-in-law and was then taught a valuable lesson by his mum. This prompts Karl to tell about the time when a misunderstanding caused him to needlessly confess to some childhood thievery.

3. Well, It's Pretty Sad But She Was 101 After All (0:11:25)

Steve reads out the Xfm policy on what to do in case of a big event, like the death of a royal, etc. Ricky reminisces about the first time he had ever been on radio, hosting a phone-in show. Then Ricky and Steve dissect the filthy lyrics of Luther Vandross in the song Never Too Much.

4. My Name Is Bond, James Bond (0:18:05)

Ricky and Steve get Karl to do impressions of Sean Connery and Roger Moore. The BAFTAs are a day away and Steve has decided to take Karl. Karl is upset to learn that he will have to pretend to be Steve's gay lover in order to get in.

5. It's Alright (0:28:38)

Karl extensively reviews the last track and Ricky plays some adverts.

6. Bricks Don't Fall In Wars (0:28:51)

Karl reads the first of three lateral thinking puzzles he came up with.

7. Karl Has Won! (0:32:35)

Karl reads his second lateral thinking problem.

8. That's Just Stupid (0:37:30)

Karl reads his last lateral thinking problem. Ricky then poses some lateral thinking problems to Karl.

9. You're Our Favorite Thing (0:41:56)

Ricky gives Karl a real logic question to answer. They then proceed to do White Van Karl.

10. I Knew It Wasn't Going To Be A Belter Today (0:49:09)

Ricky wants Karl to make a "best-of" compilation of the show. Karl then asks Ricky if he would suck the poison out of Steve's penis if he were bitten there by a snake.


Karl: I think I was an accident.
Ricky: I think it's been ongoing.

Ricky: If I want anyone's opinion... I don't.

Karl: But why come to London if you’re, if you’re, blind? It’s the worst place in the world to come if you’re blind.
Ricky: To hear the sights.

Luther Vandross: Woke up today / looked at your picture just to get me started
Ricky: That’s filthy! Play it again.

Ricky (on Karl): It’s like having your very own Fisher Price toy, two hours a week!


The Strokes - Someday
The Clash - Rock the Casbah
Cooper Temple Clause – Who Needs Enemies?
Ride - Chelsea Girl
Richard Ashcroft - You On My Mind In My Sleep
Doves - There Goes the Fear
Suede - Metal Mickey
Weezer - Dope Nose
Hundred Reasons - Silver
PJ Harvey - Good Fortune
Radiohead - Karma Police
Bob Dylan - If You See Her Say Hello

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...