26 January 2002

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Xfm Series 1
November 2001 - May 2002
List of episodes


  1. 10 November 2001 (Transcript)
  2. 17 November 2001 (Transcript)
  3. 24 November 2001 (Transcript)
  4. 01 December 2001 (Transcript)
  5. 08 December 2001 (Transcript)
  6. 15 December 2001 (Transcript)
  7. 22 December 2001 (Transcript)
  8. 12 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.1
  9. 19 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.2
  10. 26 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.3
  11. 09 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.4
  12. 16 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.5
  13. 23 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.6
  14. 02 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.7
  15. 09 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.8
  16. 16 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.9
  17. 23 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.10
  18. 30 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.11
  19. 06 April 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.12
  20. 13 April 2002 (Transcript)
  21. 20 April 2002 (Transcript)
  22. 27 April 2002 (Transcript)
  23. 04 May 2002 (Transcript)

The boys discuss Steve's thriftiness, dying on a rainy day, selected facts from Steve's book, America and crabs.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 26 January 2002/Transcript.

1. Oh Yeah, Sentences And All That (0:00:00)

Ricky and Steve have difficulty speaking, which can be a problem when on the radio. Steve quickly changes subject enticing Ricky to sing Wham Rap. Steve recounts his story of buying a PS2 and overspending by a big twenty pounds, and Ricky recalls further Steve thriftiness.

2. If You're Wet, Take Your Trousers Off(0:03:57)

It's raining in London town and Steve has been trying to get Karl to take his wet trousers off. When Ricky prompts Karl to talk and he immediately disses Ian Camfield, Ricky and Steve leap to the Prince of Rock's defense, which leads to a discussion on looks. Back on the subject of the rain and Karl philosophises on dying when the weather's crap, which he wouldn't want to do.

3. Let's Have Thoughts (0:08:01)

Ricky and Steve again struggle with speech and thoughts as well generally. Ricky suggests they do a 24 hour show, covering their entire lives, but Steve shoots him down. They then ask listeners to call in with any thoughts, which Karl punctuates with a fact about the London Underground escalators, which devolves into waffle. Steve quickly segues into a feature – That Film Sounds Good, and Ricky chooses a song from Rushmore.

4. They Could Just Use Stairs (0:11:59)

An impromptu film review of The Royal Tenenbaums breaks out but dissipates into gobbledygook, before listeners finally find out how much it costs to run the escalators.

5. Have You Ever Used A Y-front Properly? (0:14:29)

Karl talks pants, literally, it is widely agreed that Y-fronts are never used properly. The boys compare tests for 'gay', and Ricky and Steve talk trickling. Steve received a book of facts for Christmas and shares that apparently the ancient Egyptians trained baboons to wait on tables. Karl and Ricky are thrilled. A medley of animal trivia follows, Karl talking about shaving a tiger; Ricky and Steve debating the colour of polar bears.

6. Bring Out Your Dachshunds (0:21:26)

More trivia from Steve's book regarding the xenophobic harassment of dogs and rowdy butterflies and then seamless time-filling from Ricky as he introduces Song For the Lovers.

7. If You're Thinking Of Murdering Someone (0:24:44)

Steve relays one more fact from his book regarding the killing of President William McKinley, and a discussion on the various methods of assassination follows as Steve and Karl both reveal their flawless methods of murder which both involve ice. Ricky is unconvinced.

8. They Call It The Tropical Blackpool (0:30:52)

Ricky and Steve discuss discuss the use of Americanisms by British people, among other affectations - they don't like it. They discuss wanting to be American, Karl relays a story of his holidays to Bermuda and Florida, his trouble with tipping and crabs.

9. Chucking Sand (0:37:27)

Ricky and Steve do an impromptu review of how the show has gone and is going; Karl talks Californian weather and winding up crabs. Ricky kept a crab in a bowl; his nan pissed in a bucket. MTV confuses Steve.

10. You Get An Extra Six Minutes (0:41:45)

The boys wrap up with a tip from Karl about the London Eye, which is a keeper.


Karl: If you shave a tiger's head...
Ricky: ...you've gotta treat that sentence with a lot more reverence than you did, think what you're saying, if you shave a tiger's head.
Karl: Not just it's head, it's whole body.
Ricky: Oh, sorry, I thought you were, I thought you were getting weird, go on, if you shave a tiger, yeah go on.

Ricky: You haven't lived until you've woken up to the sound at 3 o'clock in the morning of your nan having a wee in a tin bucket and it echoing around a caravan.
Steve: Man alive.
Ricky: I was about nine, right, and I just kept a crab...
Steve: In the bucket?

Steve: Do people go with you on holiday?
Karl: I get bored after about four days.
Steve: You surprise me.

Ricky: Annoy you? The way [crabs] move?
Karl: No. It works for them.


The Hives - Hate To Say I Told You So
The Avalanches - Frontier Psychiatrist
Mull Historical Society - Watching Xanadu
That Film Sounds Good: Cat Stevens - The Wind
Radiohead - Karma Police
The Chemical Brothers - Star Guitar
Starsailor - Good Souls
P.O.D - Alive
Song For The Lovers: Lloyd Cole - Are You Ready to be Heartbroken?
Roots Manuva - Witness
Athlete – Westside
Richard X vs. Sugababes – Freak Like Me
The Electric Soft Parade - Silent to the Dark
Song For The Ladies: Lambchop - Up With People

External Links

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...