09 February 2002

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Xfm Series 1
November 2001 - May 2002
List of episodes


  1. 10 November 2001 (Transcript)
  2. 17 November 2001 (Transcript)
  3. 24 November 2001 (Transcript)
  4. 01 December 2001 (Transcript)
  5. 08 December 2001 (Transcript)
  6. 15 December 2001 (Transcript)
  7. 22 December 2001 (Transcript)
  8. 12 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.1
  9. 19 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.2
  10. 26 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.3
  11. 09 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.4
  12. 16 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.5
  13. 23 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.6
  14. 02 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.7
  15. 09 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.8
  16. 16 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.9
  17. 23 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.10
  18. 30 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.11
  19. 06 April 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.12
  20. 13 April 2002 (Transcript)
  21. 20 April 2002 (Transcript)
  22. 27 April 2002 (Transcript)
  23. 04 May 2002 (Transcript)

Special use for Jaffa Cakes, Karl's holiday tales, things that annoy Steve, some earnest Pop Idol chat and an hilarious combine harvester mishap.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 09 February 2002/Transcript.

1. They Still Think You Talk A Little Bit Too Much (0:00:00)

Ricky and Steve rip on DJs and their power over time. Karl is introduced; people love the K-man. A fan says the duo knows less about music than other Xfm DJs, which really annoys them. They give away some behind the scenes secrets.

2. Jaffa Cakes Cure Cancer (0:02:21)

Steve calls Ricky out on his speech, but before Ricky can defend himself Karl throws him off by "crinchling" some wrapping. Steve inquires Karl about what he likes to do. Karl reveals that he puts on a mask in front of Ricky and Steve. He can't even watch The Elephant Man without crying. Ricky has Karl tell his theory on Jaffa Cakes.

3. Shakespeare Doesn't Count? (0:05:45)

Ricky praises a Gomez track and wants to play some Elvis Costello. The duo brag about awards (but they only have two at this point). Steve admits to an embarrassing encounter with Richard Wilson after he requested a cameo in the office. Declan McManus is brought up with little effect on Steve. Ricky recalls translating the Coca-Cola song into crap French. Steve demands Ricky quote some poetry (Shakespeare doesn't count!) Steve busts out his skills with a Romantic poem, but Karl has little to offer.

4. I'm Surprised I'm Not Welsh (0:11:16)

Karl suggests starting with good material rather than weak material. Ricky admits that Karl is holding it together, but calls him stupid... well, sincere, which can be frowned upon this cynical world. Karl explains his miseducation and how he went to Porthmadog for weeks on end in a Ford Grenada. Karl talks more about his education (no sixth form or university) and how he left school when he was 15 to get a job as a printer.

5. Happy Saturdays (0:15:29)

Ricky attempts to recreate the magic by interviewing Steve, as Karl stuffs his gullet. Ricky beams with pride at having Karl as a pet. Steve never saw "Meet Ricky Gervais"... and he worked on it! Ricky's interview basically turns into a diss-fest on Steve. Steve retorts by scathing Ricky's "chat" show. Ricky struggles to recall guests he had on his show.

6. Some Oriental Language (0:19:45)

Ricky has been invited to Room 101. Ricky wants to put annoying people in Room 101 and Steve tells anecdotes to show his hypocrisy. The stories include Ricky singing "The Rain in Spain" with a rubber band and flicking it at Steve (as shown in the extras of The Office DVDs). Steve then moves onto annoying people in movie theaters: the girl talking on the phone and the fat lady watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Karl thinks if the movie is subtitled you could just read it anyway. Steve continues to whinge.

7. We Can't Possibly Go On Without Steve (0:28:09)

Steve is making tea. Ricky is going to see Pop Idol. Karl and Ricky discuss Pop Idol, much to Karl's frustration. Steve comes back, uber-mad that they started without him. Steve is baffled by Karl's coach story as well. Asthma and stuttering.

8. People Can Idolize Me In Their Own Small Way (0:32:14)

More Pop Idol chat. Phone in if you like Ant and Dec. Dominic Mohan is cracking down on Pop Idol. Steve tells about his high standard for being a pop idol which do not apply to him because he's not trying to be one. Steve talks about being mistaken for N*Sync in New York. Karl veers too close to the racist card, and Ricky demands a record be played. Song For The Lovers is played, which Steve/Karl botch up.

9. How To Ruin A Song By Ricky Gervais (0:37:30)

Ricky does backing vocals to Satellite of Love like a mental. AWOOOO!! The song is ruined for Steve, who lists off more ruined songs. Fascinating fact: if everyone in China jumped up and down at the same time, it would cause a tidal wave that would destroy America (according to physics). Karl is dumbfounded and retorts: there's more chickens in the world than people.

10. Cows Drinking Coke (0:41:28)

The "best" song intros of all time are discussed. Karl brings up EastEnders and the links to The Who. Karl doesn't like Ricky and Steve arguing and flashes back to caravaning again. Ricky brings up his own caravan experience in Riverside. Karl says that he got kicked in the head by a horse when he was six. ("That explains a lot.") Steve tell his religious recruiting experiences. Karl tells about a farmer who's arm skin gets... yuck.

11. Wrap It Up (0:48:14)

Ricky and Steve finish with Song For The Ladies and take Foxy to school.


Karl: It was in Leicester square right? The little lad. A big coach with his head on the side.
Ricky: Was there an accident?
Karl: Like you know the ones footballers have?
Ricky: Big heads?

Ricky: "What does a knife feel like when it's going into your eye?"

Steve: Karl, can I have a Jaffa cake? Cos I’ve just found a lump.

Steve: "Ill finish myself off"


The White Stripes - Fell in Love with a Girl
Lo-Fidelity Allstars - All the All
Gomez - Shot Shot
Beatles - Revolution
Elbow - Asleep in the Back
Elvis Costello - Red Shoes
Zinger Meets Spry - Song 2
Lambchop - Backstreet Girl
Dandy Worhols - Get Off
Pharoahe Monch - Got You
Song For The Lovers: Lou Reed - Satellite of Love
P.O.D - Alive
The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again
Princess Superstar - Bad Babysitter
Song For The Ladies: The Only Ones - Special View

External Links

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...