15 December 2001

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Xfm Series 1
November 2001 - May 2002
List of episodes


  1. 10 November 2001 (Transcript)
  2. 17 November 2001 (Transcript)
  3. 24 November 2001 (Transcript)
  4. 01 December 2001 (Transcript)
  5. 08 December 2001 (Transcript)
  6. 15 December 2001 (Transcript)
  7. 22 December 2001 (Transcript)
  8. 12 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.1
  9. 19 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.2
  10. 26 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.3
  11. 09 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.4
  12. 16 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.5
  13. 23 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.6
  14. 02 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.7
  15. 09 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.8
  16. 16 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.9
  17. 23 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.10
  18. 30 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.11
  19. 06 April 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.12
  20. 13 April 2002 (Transcript)
  21. 20 April 2002 (Transcript)
  22. 27 April 2002 (Transcript)
  23. 04 May 2002 (Transcript)

Ricky and Steve face off in a quiz hosted by Karl, Jonathan Ross pops in, and then pops himself out and Ricky does his last ever film review.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 15 December 2001/Transcript.

Total Length: 0:52:09

1. We're The Challenge (0:00:00)

After weeks of disappointment Ricky reassures Steve and the listeners that Karl has done a "dynamite job" in procuring some decent prizes. Ricky suggests playing a trivia quiz, where "we're the challenge", but fails to explain what he's on about.

2. I'm Best At Science (0:01:10)

Ricky tries again to explain his quiz. Listeners will phone or email in with a question, and Ricky and Steve must answer. The best question wins the prizes. Ricky doesn't do trivia, and suggests, "Maybe keep the questions high-brow, to show our intellect", but Steve is less sure - he's best at films.

3. A Listener Called Clive! (0:03:13)

The phone lines are overloaded with questions for the quiz. Karl reads the first question from "Clive", asking which actor first played James Bond. Steve is impressed that they have a listener called Clive. An argument ensues as to whether it was Bob Holness or Sean Connery; Connery being famous for being the 1st screen Bond, but Holness (who later hosted 'Blockbusters') originally played Bond on the radio. Ricky claims the question wasn't fair but Steve feels he should get a point as he was 1st to say Bob Holness.

4. Scribbled It Down (0:05:32)

The argument continues. Karl has a good second question, but he scribbled it down and has trouble remembering the detail. He comes up with "Which food, kind of doesn't make you fat". Ricky claims victory with "celery", but Steve disputes it because Ricky didn't write it down. Further heated debate ensues.

5. Dennis The Stone (0:07:30)

Karl struggles again with the next question, regarding the name of a precious stone worn by the Pope. Karl giggles when Ricky suggests "Dennis". Karl doesn't know the answer. Ricky, exasperated: "play a record, play two records".

6. Ross Exposes Himself (0:09:14)

Jonathan Ross pops in to drop off tickets for an award show and exposes his "massive member". He's not impressed with the 3 old men (Steve: "I'm only 28, 27!"), he was expecting the "rising young stars" to have foxy chicks in. Ross even dresses up for radio, and Steve recounts with amazement how Ross had phoned Ricky for fashion advice. Steve is upset that Ross has made friends with Ricky, but not him. Ross upsets Steve further by slagging off Hip-Hop Hooray ("the worst feature on British radio"). Karl introduces himself, and asks Ross the pope question. Ross answers "topaz", but Karl still can't make out the correct answer from his scribble.

7. Where..What.. (0:14:02)

After witnessing Jonathan Ross's dedication to Ricky, and noticing the barman in the local pub ask him if he wanted "his usual table", Steve wonders how Ricky has become "the Daddy". He wonders if Ricky could have someone "iced" for him. At his third attempt, Karl manages to read the answer to the Pope question - "amthirst" or "amethyst", as Ricky corrects. One final question from Karl starts badly: "where...what...", and after much jeering, an annoyed Karl finally asks what is the most expensive pub in London (Karl: "and Ricky won't know, 'cause he never pays"). Ricky & Steve continue to ridicule Karl, who doesn't know who's won. Steve worries that they've made a mistake giving airtime to Karl - "he's digging a grave for us!" Steve introduces a new feature,Songs I'd Like To Play On The Radio.

8. Ungrateful Steve (0:22:47)

Steve sells out his mate's name to the piracy police. Ricky appreciates the 25 quid gift vouchers Xfm gave to them. Steve does not consider the places to redeem the voucher trendy for Xfm and draws the ire of Karl (who got a 150 quid voucher.)

9. The Good Questions (0:25:41)

Steve digs into the e-mail and finds a treasure trove of questions that were of much higher quality for the quiz. Ricky knows all the answers right off the bat, so Steve is glad that they weren't asked. When asked who the winner was, Karl forgets and needs the quiz winner to call back.

10. You're a Shoo In (0:33:21)

Ricky and Steve DJ banter with Neil the American Golfer, the quiz winner. Their bit is thrown off by the usage of the phrase "shoo in" when Neil is asked about the The Office winning the British Comedy Awards.

11. Don't Cry (0:35:45)

Ricky plays "Don't Cry It's Christmas".

12. Raising the Bar (0:38:18)

Ricky and Steve engage on a refreshing discussion on politics and war, which includes Ricky's favourite war, The Falkland War (a bit later used in Animals). Steve plays his Hip-Hop Hooray track, drawing Ricky to comment on Humpty Dumpty (later used in Politics).

13. Steve's Style (0:45:45)

Steve wonders why Jonathan Ross doesn't like his music, and Ricky suggests jealousy. Steve quizzes Ricky with some tough listener questions, such as "What becomes of the broken hearted?" They play "It's Not the End of the World" by the Super Furry Animals.

14. The End of the Film Reviews (0:47:08)

After another quiz question and a track, Ricky declares there will be no more film reviews because he's reviewed all the good ones. He won't do another review until the next great film comes out, like Braveheart 2, to which he awarded a 9 in advance. It is revealed that Karl won't be in next week because he will be on holiday (but don't tell anyone). Karl receives the gift of touching for Christmas from Steve.


Ricky: That’s stupid, that’s the cliché of Xfm listeners, and I know they’re more intelligent than that.
Steve:They’re not. They’re not, Rick. They’re stupid people! They’re stupid, stupid people! And they only know about a few things!

Steve: Clive! We’ve got a listener called Clive! Wow!

Ricky: We can edit this out, can’t we? It’s not live, is this?
Steve: It's only a pilot.

Ricky: (getting annoyed) Play a record. Play two records.

Steve: (to Ricky) Have you got a single pair of trousers that aren't elasticated at the waist?

Jonathan Ross: Karl, I wish I could say it was a pleasure, but actually it was quite creepy.

Ricky: When a top celebrity in a lovely looking suit walks down the corridor with his penis out...
Jonathan Ross: You know you've awwived! [sic]

Karl: The pope. What semi-precious stone does the pope wear?
Jonathan Ross: That is easy. Topaz.
Steve: Is that the right answer?
Karl: I dunno, I might've wrote it down...

Karl: From someone who's dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!


  • In addition to being one of Ricky's favourite songs of all time, If You See Her, Say Hello by Bob Dylan was also the last song Ricky played on the old Xfm before the station was temporarily shut down during the Capital Radio Group takeover in 1998. However on the 22 November 2003 show he claimed the last song they played was It's All Over Now Baby Blue, also by Bob Dylan.


The Strokes - Last Nite
Coldplay - Yellow
Garbage - Cherry Lips
Fun Loving Criminal - Scooby Snacks
Beta Band - Squares
Basement Jaxx - Where's Your Head At?
Eminem - The Real Slim Shady
U2 - Beautiful Day
Songs I'd Like To Play On The Radio: Rolling Stones - Monkey Man
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Love Burns
Sum 41 - In Too Deep
Song For The Lovers: Bob Dylan - If You See Her, Say Hello
Stereophonics - Step On My Old Size Nines
Travis - Side
Ash - There's A Star
Hip-Hop Hooray: Digital Underground - Same Song
Paul Weller - Wild Wood
Super Furry Animals - It's Not The End Of The World
Tim Buckley - Buzzing Fly

External Links

Definition of shoo in at m-w.com

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...