31 May 2003

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Xfm Series 2
August 2002 - August 2003
List of episodes


  1. 24 August 2002 (Transcript)
  2. 31 August 2002 (Transcript)
  3. 07 September 2002 (Transcript)
  4. 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  5. 21 September 2002 (Transcript)
  6. 28 September 2002 (Transcript)
  7. 05 October 2002 (Transcript)
  8. 12 October 2002 (Transcript)
  9. 19 October 2002 (Transcript)
  10. 26 October 2002 (Transcript)
  11. 02 November 2002 (Transcript)
  12. 09 November 2002 (Transcript)
  13. 16 November 2002 (Transcript)
  14. 23 November 2002 (Transcript)
  15. 30 November 2002 (Transcript)
  16. 07 December 2002 (Transcript)
  17. 14 December 2002 (Transcript)
  18. 21 December 2002 (Transcript)
  19. 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  20. 04 January 2003 (Transcript)
  21. 11 January 2003 (Transcript)
  22. 18 January 2003 (Transcript)
  23. 25 January 2003 (Transcript)
  24. 01 February 2003 (Transcript)
  25. 08 February 2003 (Transcript)
  26. 15 February 2003 (Transcript)
  27. 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  28. 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  29. 08 March 2003 (Transcript)
  30. 15 March 2003 (Transcript)
  31. 22 March 2003 (Transcript)
  32. 29 March 2003 (Transcript)
  33. 05 April 2003 (Transcript)
  34. 12 April 2003 (Transcript)
  35. 19 April 2003 (Transcript)
  36. 26 April 2003 (Transcript)
  37. 03 May 2003 (Transcript)
  38. 10 May 2003 (Transcript)
  39. 17 May 2003 (Transcript)
  40. 31 May 2003 (Transcript)
  41. 07 June 2003 (Transcript)
  42. 14 June 2003 (Transcript)
  43. 21 June 2003 (Transcript)
  44. 28 June 2003
  45. 05 July 2003
  46. 12 July 2003
  47. 19 July 2003
  48. 26 July 2003
  49. 02 August 2003
  50. 09 August 2003
  51. 16 August 2003

The boys are back after a week off.

Track Listing

For a partial transcript of this episode see 31 May 2003/Transcript.

1. You're Lucky I'm Here, Steve (0:00:00)

Ricky thinks Out of Time is the best song Blur has ever done. Ricky's done his back in wrestling with Channel 4's Commissioning Editor for Comedy Iain Morris. Jane filmed it and showed it to Karl.

2. Are You Allowed To Use Email? (0:03:48)

Steve gutted about an empty French restaurant on a Friday night in Crouch End. He's also worried about fax machine manufacturers. Ricky prefers faxes and Karl prefers letters. Karl's Mam sends him letters. All three have postcard anecdotes.

3. The Exact Ones Keanu Reeves Uses (0:07:55)

Steve has a new pair of prescription sunglasses. He can't mosh, box or wrestle, and as a youngster with new glasses he would go up to the front of the classroom and pretend to sharpen his pencil to read the board. Ricky comments on his former appearance as Worzel Gummidge. Was Roy Orbison blind? Ricky tried to embarrass Steve when he picked them up, and Steve is annoyed by people who try on his glasses.

4. Don't Call In (0:13:48)

Twenty second link including a rhetorical query about whether the New York Dolls are the original punk band.

5. Home Tattoos Are The Best (0:14:09)

Ricky and Steve saw a man with a completely tattooed face. Ricky always compliments tattoos because he can't bear to do otherwise. A misspelled "Beckham" tattoo. Tattoo Stan looks a mess and Ricky and Steve mock tattoo culture. Karl's got a story about a man whose son framed his tattoo when he died. Auntie Nora's back and her "squid-looking" nightgowns. Uncle Hazel has tattoos.

6. Bloody Hell, I Thought I Only Had One Girl (0:20:50)

A listener tells Steve about her misspelled tattoo ("Physco"). When he was younger, Ricky had an earring and his mum had thoughts. Gay couture and accompanying confusion. Lil' Kim and Mr. Cheeks get a laugh.

7. I Was Away When I Came Up With Rockbusters (0:024:00)

Monkey News compared with Songs of Praise on a Sunday. Ricky wrote 40 minutes stand-up by the pool on holiday, and Karl had a similar experience once.

8. Are Any of These Going To Annoy Me (0:25:16)

Rockbusters prizes include oft-mocked of The Best of Inspiral Carpets 3-CD set. Rockbusters clues.

9. There's Quite a Lot Going On in the Freak World (0:28:02)

Cheeky Freak of the Week has a similar jingle to Monkey News, and Karl has a Free Freak about The Lobster Man. Proper feature is about "a Siamese lad" who got run over (and a classic quote ensues).

10. It's Good Fun (0:24:26)

Ricky squeezed Karl's head despite his back injury, and Steve has his first squeeze under Ricky's tutelage. Karl wonders if he should include that on the form he has to fill out about on-the-job danger. Who would Karl include in his ultimate dinner party? Ricky and Steve have some advice.

11. Maybe We Could Hold Out and Never Meet Him (0:42:17)

A few seconds chat about their favourite Smiths albums. Ricky, Steve and Karl are the only three people who haven't met Nelson Mandela. Steve makes a jibe, and Karl thinks he'd be good on Celebrity Big Brother. Muffy the Hamster.

12. The Monkey's Named 86 (0:44:56)

Monkey News is about a magician's assistant monkey in Morocco who drives to Spain.

13. That's Another Listener Gone (0:49:56)

Rockbusters answers and even the listeners are making Ricky-esque comments. Steve gives the prize to Steve Martin.


A customer wanted some paint to darken up a room; the shop assistant knew what to do. C.B.
It'd be all right if their heads weren't that big. S.F.
Chanel have got another perfume out. N.O.


Karl: Have you ever seen .. a gorilla having a fight?

Karl: I just thought, why didn't he just look both ways?

Steve: People seem to at long last have tuned in to your wavelength, Karl. Which is, of course, 104.9.

Ricky: If anyone's out there, can you write down everything Karl says from now to a year, and send it to me and Steve, 'cause we might want to put it in a book.


Blur - Out of Time
Rod Stewart - Maggie May
The Darkness - Growing on Me
New York Dolls - Trash
Coldplay - The Scientist
Placebo - This Picture
Thin Lizzy - Don't Believe a Word
Lil' Kim feat. Mr. Cheeks - The Jump Off
Bob Marley - Stir It Up
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Universally Speaking
The Smiths - I Started Something I Couldn't Finish
Martina Topley Bird - Need One
Suede - Stay Together
Nirvana - The Man Who Sold the World


When asked who he'd invite to his ultimate dinner party, Karl responds: Elvis, the Elephant Man, Peter Kay, the fella who lost his arm climbing a mountain (Aron Ralston), the woman who went 'round the world in a boat (Ellen MacArthur), and Kym Marsh.

External Links