30 November 2002
In this episode, Karl has doubts about how long Educating Ricky will last. Amongst other things Ricky, Steve and Karl discuss an elephant with sore feet, the origin of the phrase "cat out of the bag" and more reasons we don't need jellyfish. Also, Ricky re-introduces Karl.
|For a full transcript of this episode see 30 November 2002/Transcript.|
Ricky's "difficulties" with speech may mean he never gets more than a bronze at the Sony's but it has it's advantages when it comes to his boxing career, as he doesn't need to worry about slurring his speech after a vicious beating. Ricky's good friend Jonathan Ross sums up the ad campaign for the show by saying Ricky looks like a predatory gay on one of the posters, which Ricky doesn't deny. Karl isn't paying attention and has instead decided to simply have a biscuit, much to the annoyance of Ricky and Steve.
Steve expresses his sheer amazement that Ricky is the voice of the drink driving campaign, claiming he sounds like a man who was run over by a drunk driver. Ricky and Steve are once again annoyed at Karl for not paying attention: "I think I deserve more than a little Manc eating a biscuit". Karl is concerned that his MTV screen test won't go well because he isn't that good looking, which prompts a discussion about what Karl finds attractive in a man. Karl thinks XFM colleague Alex Zane is handsome.
Because of the new ad campaign, Ricky gives a quick summary of how the show came about and decides to "re-introduce" Karl again, for new listeners. Karl presents more proof that we don't need jellyfish but also ponders other sea-based problems.
With Steve and Karl introduced it's on with the show. Ricky enquires about Educating Ricky but Karl is hesitant saying he's doubtful and unhappy with the feature. He has checked the web ("the new book") and there isn't much going on in the world. There is a car wash for dogs but Karl doesn't find that satisfactory. Steve goes through the bag of usual tat which is being given away on Rockbusters.
Ricky tries to explain the "Bod-Pod", a device used to measure body fat, to Karl, who as usual simply wants to confuse it. Ricky is 25% fat, Rik Waller was 65% fat, the same as a pork scratching according to Ricky. Ricky and Steve discuss the conspiracy theories surrounding Bruce Lee as well as whether or not a fly should be able to fly.
Steve is shocked to have seen a homeless person reading a book. Ricky explains the different types of vagrant. Karl reveals how he nearly killed a man in Wales. Steve can't get past the homeless man reading a book...perhaps it was a yuppie on a themed holiday. Karl is worried about the rude nature of the conversation.
Dickie has been in touch. Ricky and Steve wonder what he looks and acts like. Karl becomes more agitated when Ricky and Steve begin discussing the award winning "Cock episode". Karl reads his Mam's Rockbusters. The shambolic nature of the show is discussed yet again.
Karl wants to ditch Educating Ricky before Christmas as there is nothing going on in the world. He considers working the "Steve angle" with Whine Merchant. Karl does Rockbusters.
Karl gives Ricky the choices for Educating Ricky: "Get your kit on, we're off down the butchers", "Wash up with you?" and "Why don't they just get a diary or some paper or something?". Karl explains the origin of the phrase "Letting the cat out of the bag". Karl also tells Ricky and Steve about a parrot who starts effin' and jeffin' during funerals.
For the second Educating Ricky, Karl gives the results of a dish washing survey. Ricky and Steve were disappointed with Educating Ricky but are amused at the story of an elephant with sore feet. Karl makes a real joke. Educating Ricky concludes with Karl telling Ricky and Steve of an automatic tattoo machine.
Karl discusses his dad's mates and their nicknames: Tattoo Stan, John the Screw, Jimmy the Hat, Fred the Veg. Ricky and Steve are perplexed by the nicknames. Karl describes Tattoo Stan and all his tattoos. Steve tells Ricky of the bizarre tattoo a man his sister worked with has .
A listener e-mails in, giving an alternative explanation for "letting the cat out of the bag". Ricky and Steve believe it which aggravates Karl. The Rockbusters answers are read. Ricky is confident that Richard Anderson will eat his words...
Karl: Well, let's do the jellyfish first, then we'll move on to the Scousers.
Karl: There's really fancy stuff and you think "They've killed that and it looks good on the counter, pretty impressive. But is anyone gonna buy it?" Do you know what I mean? It's like a big shark set in ice. And you go "Yeah they've got a lot of fish for sale..."
Ricky: You sure you weren't going around to the Tate Gallery?
Karl: The Web is the new book though, innit?
Ricky: Why do you want to confuse machines? Do you remember when he put in "why" to a computer search engine to try to confuse it. I want the computer to come back "why not" and your head explode.
Karl: We did get a bronze. But this year, we introduced Rockbusters... things will be changin'.
Ricky: For a simple man, you retain an awful lot of knowledge. It's just all rubbish. If you just replace all this rubbish with good stuff, you'd be an intellectual really. Because your retention is fantastic.
Ricky: Did I lose you there, did I?
You've been dunking that for too long. L.B.
You wont be able to play that game in this pub, cos the table aint big enough. F.D.
Well, I've had a rubbish day, so I'm glad it's over. G.K.
Steve's anecdote about the guy with the tattoo of a "lady vampire having a shower" was direct inspiration for Snork's tattoo in Cemetery Junction.
Richard Ashcroft - Science of Silence
Feeder - Just the Way I'm Feeling
Simon and Garfunkel - April Come She Will
Warren G - Regulate
Nirvana - You Know You're Right
David Bowie - Be My Wife
My Morning Jacket - Lowdown
Eminem - Lose Yourself
Oasis - Live Forever
Aqualung - Good Times Gonna Come
Travis - Flowers in the Window
Buzzcocks - Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)
Song for the Ladies/Lovers: John Martyn - May You Never
Podcast Series 1, Episode 8 - in which Karl re-tells his Manchester nicknames anecdote.
|Series 0 | Series 1 | Series 2 | Series 3 | Series 4|
|Presenters||Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington|
|Others||Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost|
|Features|| Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers |
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...