26 April 2003

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Xfm Series 2
August 2002 - August 2003
List of episodes


  1. 24 August 2002 (Transcript)
  2. 31 August 2002 (Transcript)
  3. 07 September 2002 (Transcript)
  4. 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  5. 21 September 2002 (Transcript)
  6. 28 September 2002 (Transcript)
  7. 05 October 2002 (Transcript)
  8. 12 October 2002 (Transcript)
  9. 19 October 2002 (Transcript)
  10. 26 October 2002 (Transcript)
  11. 02 November 2002 (Transcript)
  12. 09 November 2002 (Transcript)
  13. 16 November 2002 (Transcript)
  14. 23 November 2002 (Transcript)
  15. 30 November 2002 (Transcript)
  16. 07 December 2002 (Transcript)
  17. 14 December 2002 (Transcript)
  18. 21 December 2002 (Transcript)
  19. 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  20. 04 January 2003 (Transcript)
  21. 11 January 2003 (Transcript)
  22. 18 January 2003 (Transcript)
  23. 25 January 2003 (Transcript)
  24. 01 February 2003 (Transcript)
  25. 08 February 2003 (Transcript)
  26. 15 February 2003 (Transcript)
  27. 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  28. 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  29. 08 March 2003 (Transcript)
  30. 15 March 2003 (Transcript)
  31. 22 March 2003 (Transcript)
  32. 29 March 2003 (Transcript)
  33. 05 April 2003 (Transcript)
  34. 12 April 2003 (Transcript)
  35. 19 April 2003 (Transcript)
  36. 26 April 2003 (Transcript)
  37. 03 May 2003 (Transcript)
  38. 10 May 2003 (Transcript)
  39. 17 May 2003 (Transcript)
  40. 31 May 2003 (Transcript)
  41. 07 June 2003 (Transcript)
  42. 14 June 2003 (Transcript)
  43. 21 June 2003 (Transcript)
  44. 28 June 2003
  45. 05 July 2003
  46. 12 July 2003
  47. 19 July 2003
  48. 26 July 2003
  49. 02 August 2003
  50. 09 August 2003
  51. 16 August 2003

This episode is notable for the introduction of the characters Camp David, the right queer gay and Ho-Lee Fuk as well as Ricky leaving the studio in the middle of Monkey News.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 26 April 2003/Transcript.

1. How Old're You? (0:00:00)

Steve is back after having been at his parents house in Bristol for the past week nursing a sore throat. (Karl is baffled). Ricky injured his back on Tuesday boxing, but is here too. Karl has just returned from holidays with Suzanne's parents.

2. Froggy Says Buy It (0:03:57)

Steve thinks he's ill from stress of London life, including the split-up of S Club 7. Karl's not very compassionate with ill people, like the time he made Suzanne go shopping with him when she had a fever. Recap of when Karl was picked to pass out biscuits at an old people's home and another place where people were "iller". Karl plays two adverts Ricky has done for X-Ray magazine in the week, one with him acting drunk/with mouth full and the second with him as Dr Frog.

3. Who's That at the Door? (0:11:42)

Ricky introduces us to his new characters Camp David, the right queer gay and Ho-Lee Fuk, the funny little Chinaman. The latter's name is cause for concern for Karl. Karl's thinking of re-introducing Rockbusters, and Steve is appalled.

4. Gayvid Gray, the Bent Pianist (0:16:20)

Ricky has decided to change one of his character's names.

5. Always Stinking of Chip Fat (0:16:47)

Karl calls Steve "The Professor" behind his back because of a photo of him in a magazine, but Steve has his own names for Karl. Some Karl vs. Steve banter as Steve thinks Karl must've been a neglected child. His perceptions of the working class homes of Karl and Ricky's youths. Steve loves Benjys. In Waitrose a homeless man with open sores shook his hand, to Steve's terror. Karl doesn't want Steve to ruin the plot of Columbo, and the boys question Columbo and his wife's hygiene. Gayvid Gray, Columbo, and Ho-Lee are at the door. Steve wants listeners to email in about the return of Rockbusters, but Ricky doesn't want to let the listeners decide.

6. So Here We Go Then (0:24:16)

Richard Anderson enters as one of Ricky's characters. Ricky's not sure Steve understands comedy on radio. Steve reads off the prizes which include Coogan's Run and a Dr Who episode on VHS and and X-List CD. A recap of old Rockbusters clues before Karl reads this week's clues.

7. There's No Thread To Them (0:28:38)

There's a Posh Bloke at the door. Karl's obsessed with how Ricky's friends are all different from each other. Karl doesn't like Robin and Steve is horrified to hear about some quite rude behaviour from Karl towards Robin at dinner. Robin has small thumbs and Karl's done some research on thumbs. "Rule of thumb" etymology. "No Petting" signs at public pools. Karl then airs his disdain for public displays of affection. A fat fella with lipstick is at the door.

8. Tourettes Trent D'Arby (0:36:47)

Rockbusters answers and Ricky tells Karl that he is never doing the quiz again. Karl bemoans the mountains of emails he received from listeners at the request of Ricky and Steve on last week's show. A listener named Peter Kay came in first but they give it to another person so Peter Kay comes in second.

9. I'd Like a Severe Blow (0:40:43)

Karl gives away some Rockbusters workings. Gayvid Gray drops in once again briefly.

10. Talkin' of Weird Heads and Stuff (0:41:48)

Steve's put on his duffle coat and looks like someone in Forbidden Planet. The bidding for Ricky's cartoon of Karl is now up to 200 quid. Ricky wants the winner to be able to squeeze Karl's head, which Karl refuses point-blank. They have to make time for Monkey News lest Karl takes it to Radio 2. Karl tells Steve about his recent holiday with Suzanne's parents. People annoy Karl and he recounts several examples of how they did.

11. Restaurants Don't Allow Animals (0:52:15)

Cutting U2 short because they are running late. Cheeky Freak of the Week is people with deformed back legs known as "dogpeople". Ricky questions whether this segment is offensive in any way. Time for Monkey News: a follow-up to a previous segment about Alfred who robbed the robber at the bank. After taking the money and weapons, he negotiates a deal with the zookeepers to ensure their release in exchange for funds. Ricky is so infuriated that he leaves the studio midway through the story.


The gingerbread man has only got one leg. L.B.
These people from the East Midlands swear a lot. T.T.D.
Have a holiday in Italy. T.B.


Karl: I'm into biscuits.

Steve: We'd all agreed that Rockbusters was a piece of old toss!

Steve: It's email only. We don't want to speak to these freaks.

Karl: Does the Office sound good, as a title?

Ricky: Don't. Talk. Shite. Twice.

Ricky: [Karl's] got the best mind working on radio today. It's incredible.
Steve: The only person who makes less sense is Terry Wogan.


Blur - Out of Time
Thin Lizzy - The Boys Are Back In Town
Badly Drawn Boy - All Possibilities
Sugar - If I Can't Change Your Mind
Coldplay - The Scientist
The Who - The Seeker
Feeder - Forget About Tomorrow
Placebo - The Bitter End
The Cure - A Forest
Radiohead - There There
Steely Dan - Reelin' In The Years
U2 - With Or Without You
REM - What's The Frequency Kenneth?

External Links

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...