05 October 2002

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Xfm Series 2
August 2002 - August 2003
List of episodes


  1. 24 August 2002 (Transcript)
  2. 31 August 2002 (Transcript)
  3. 07 September 2002 (Transcript)
  4. 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  5. 21 September 2002 (Transcript)
  6. 28 September 2002 (Transcript)
  7. 05 October 2002 (Transcript)
  8. 12 October 2002 (Transcript)
  9. 19 October 2002 (Transcript)
  10. 26 October 2002 (Transcript)
  11. 02 November 2002 (Transcript)
  12. 09 November 2002 (Transcript)
  13. 16 November 2002 (Transcript)
  14. 23 November 2002 (Transcript)
  15. 30 November 2002 (Transcript)
  16. 07 December 2002 (Transcript)
  17. 14 December 2002 (Transcript)
  18. 21 December 2002 (Transcript)
  19. 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  20. 04 January 2003 (Transcript)
  21. 11 January 2003 (Transcript)
  22. 18 January 2003 (Transcript)
  23. 25 January 2003 (Transcript)
  24. 01 February 2003 (Transcript)
  25. 08 February 2003 (Transcript)
  26. 15 February 2003 (Transcript)
  27. 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  28. 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  29. 08 March 2003 (Transcript)
  30. 15 March 2003 (Transcript)
  31. 22 March 2003 (Transcript)
  32. 29 March 2003 (Transcript)
  33. 05 April 2003 (Transcript)
  34. 12 April 2003 (Transcript)
  35. 19 April 2003 (Transcript)
  36. 26 April 2003 (Transcript)
  37. 03 May 2003 (Transcript)
  38. 10 May 2003 (Transcript)
  39. 17 May 2003 (Transcript)
  40. 31 May 2003 (Transcript)
  41. 07 June 2003 (Transcript)
  42. 14 June 2003 (Transcript)
  43. 21 June 2003 (Transcript)
  44. 28 June 2003
  45. 05 July 2003
  46. 12 July 2003
  47. 19 July 2003
  48. 26 July 2003
  49. 02 August 2003
  50. 09 August 2003
  51. 16 August 2003

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 05 October 2002/Transcript.

1. When's Karl Coming Back? (0:00:00)

Karl is away for another week to help out while his dad is ill, so Claire Sturgess is back in pressing the buttons. Steve would like to take Karl back to Manchester for a documentary about his childhood and youth. Ricky spoke to Karl about his holiday and he said it was fine except for the nudist beach they went to. One was naked but wearing a big rucksack. Can you be a naked transvestite?

2. And the Glasses... (0:04:21)

Claire's been to a nudist beach recently, and Steve recounts the disturbing time he was on holiday with his family and his friend's mum took her top off. There's not a bit of Ricky's body that Steve hasn't seen. A listener names Paul asks them to send him an album they played so Steve write him back and insults his mother.

3. He'd Love Some Bloody Adverts (0:10:25)

Steve feels bad because he had misread Paul's email which only asked for the name of the album.

4. He Had the Biggest Knob I'd Ever Seen (0:11:08)

Chat about Oasis and their fans leads to discussion about weeing and cat law. Ricky owns Steve's wallet and much of his hair by this method. Back to the nude beach discussion and Steve wonders if "a strong swimmer" could just swim up to the beach? An aroused nude man approached Claire while she was on her holiday so she ran away.

5. A Deal With Island Records (0:16:24)

Ricky brings the same 3 CDs in every week.

6. Genius, or Bloke With Hair? (0:17:28)

Steve went to see Prince at Hammersmith Apollo last night and both calls him a genius and backs it up with evidence. But at the end, Prince tries to proselytize and Steve wonders if Prince has to go door to door for that. Ricky wonders about calling non-scientists "geniuses".

7. I've Just Seen Your Video (0:22:19)

Steve didn't manage to get into Prince's after-show party nor did Ricky invite him along to the Bowie concert in the week. Ricky didn't go to the concert but the following night went to an intimate dinner with David Bowie and some friends. Steve stumbles around in angered frustration to work out how this could have happened. Ricky recounts the evening and how nice and normal Bowie is, and Steve wonders if Robert De Niro popped in as well.

8. That's David Bowie (0:29:34)

Steve mocks the Bowie dinner by shedding light on what it meant that he'd seen Ricky's tape. But Ricky's still reveling in the surreal evening he'd had. Ricky thinks listeners to the show shouldn't invite the cruel Steve Merchant out but instead go for Ricky. Ricky recently heard someone with a Bristol accent and it really is a stupid accent. Steve bites back calling Ricky laughable.

9. A Bit Coked Up (0:33:19)

A listener complained that Ricky and Steve talk over each other. Ricky starts making an annoying noise but Steve is concerned about the handful of listeners. An email asks if Sturgess is drunk when she's on the show, and Steve wonders if she's coked up instead. She's off drugs so at least she doesn't have to steal so much now. Are there any smackheads on Xfm? (Not anymore). Ricky gets bored and starts his annoying noise again.

10. Adverts, or What (0:36:11)

A super short link with another bit of Ricky's annoying noise.

11. A Classier Version of Fight Club (0:36:27)

Steve introduces to Claire the fact that Ricky wants to become a boxer. It's been tough and Steve thinks the whole thing is a bad idea, as Ricky is even afraid of car horns blowing while he's in his house. Neither Claire nor Ricky drive, but only Ricky will whisper to Steve to complain to drivers. Ricky's also afraid of spiders and maybe even Spiderman. Ricky saw a Maury Povich episode where women were scared of snakes. Other fears include tin foil and buttons. Steve's only fear is of when Ricky is flatulent. Steve talks about the time he was on a train with a flatulent dog. Steve's annoyed with dog owners and Ricky begins his annoying noise again.

12. This Debate Will Rage On (0:44:48)

Some people think Prince is a genius and some think he isn't.

13. I've Got Nothing, Steve (0:45:23)

The 4th short link of the show.

14. Quite a Sad Telly Watcher (0:46:06)

It doesn't work to try to keep listeners tuned in by only saying the band name coming up if they've only had one hit. Ricky's been looking forward to Fame Academy for 2 weeks. He's disappointed in the standard and has already figured out who's annoying. But the interesting thing is that they get to live the life for one year and then it's taken away from them. Steve mistakingly calls Claire "Jane" and asks her how long Ricky would stay in the Big Brother house. Bringing back Song for the Ladies to close.


Richard Ashcroft - Check the Meaning
The Vines - Out of the Way
Johnny Cash - One
Oasis - Little by Little
Bob Dylan - Mississippi
Feeder - Come Back Around
Prince - Raspberry Beret
Coldplay - The Scientist
The Coral - Dreaming of You
John Spencer Blues Explosion - Right Place, Wrong Time
Queens of the Stoneage - No One Knows
Electronic - Getting Away With It
U2 - Electrical Storm
Nirvana - In Bloom
Cat Stevens - Miles from Nowhere
Song For The Ladies: Tom Waits - Downtown Train


Ricky: Steve Merchant says Prince is a genius. This is Xfm, 104.9!

Ricky: When Eddie Izzard is naked, is he a naked transvestite?

Steve: How long, Jane? Jane. Why did I call you Jane?
Claire: You can call me whatever you'd like, Steve.
Steve: Err..Love...

Steve: I don't bandy this word around Rick, as you know, but I'd like to use the word genius.
Ricky: I thought you were going to say "I'll pay for that".

Steve: On his (Prince's) first album, maybe on a couple of his first albums, he played all the instruments.
Ricky: Brilliant. Like Squiddly Diddly.

Ricky: Prince: Genius or little fella?! It's up to you!

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...