14 December 2002

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Xfm Series 2
August 2002 - August 2003
List of episodes


  1. 24 August 2002 (Transcript)
  2. 31 August 2002 (Transcript)
  3. 07 September 2002 (Transcript)
  4. 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  5. 21 September 2002 (Transcript)
  6. 28 September 2002 (Transcript)
  7. 05 October 2002 (Transcript)
  8. 12 October 2002 (Transcript)
  9. 19 October 2002 (Transcript)
  10. 26 October 2002 (Transcript)
  11. 02 November 2002 (Transcript)
  12. 09 November 2002 (Transcript)
  13. 16 November 2002 (Transcript)
  14. 23 November 2002 (Transcript)
  15. 30 November 2002 (Transcript)
  16. 07 December 2002 (Transcript)
  17. 14 December 2002 (Transcript)
  18. 21 December 2002 (Transcript)
  19. 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  20. 04 January 2003 (Transcript)
  21. 11 January 2003 (Transcript)
  22. 18 January 2003 (Transcript)
  23. 25 January 2003 (Transcript)
  24. 01 February 2003 (Transcript)
  25. 08 February 2003 (Transcript)
  26. 15 February 2003 (Transcript)
  27. 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  28. 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  29. 08 March 2003 (Transcript)
  30. 15 March 2003 (Transcript)
  31. 22 March 2003 (Transcript)
  32. 29 March 2003 (Transcript)
  33. 05 April 2003 (Transcript)
  34. 12 April 2003 (Transcript)
  35. 19 April 2003 (Transcript)
  36. 26 April 2003 (Transcript)
  37. 03 May 2003 (Transcript)
  38. 10 May 2003 (Transcript)
  39. 17 May 2003 (Transcript)
  40. 31 May 2003 (Transcript)
  41. 07 June 2003 (Transcript)
  42. 14 June 2003 (Transcript)
  43. 21 June 2003 (Transcript)
  44. 28 June 2003
  45. 05 July 2003
  46. 12 July 2003
  47. 19 July 2003
  48. 26 July 2003
  49. 02 August 2003
  50. 09 August 2003
  51. 16 August 2003

Karl is away again today, and Claire Sturgess pushes the buttons in his absence.

Track Listing

For a partial transcript of this episode see 14 December 2002/Transcript.

1. Ralph Littleton, #342 (0:00:00)

Claire's in camouflage and Steve is compelled to share the breadth of his Milli Vanilli knowledge. Ricky and Steve brainstorm good Christmas songs. Ricky is recognized in Burger King and is given large fries instead of small.

2. Well, You Gonna Be Dancing? (0:05:00)

Ricky and Steve try to convince Claire that Springsteen is worthwhile, and Ricky remembers to tell Steve about Dr Fox and Mackenzie Crook who were at the final of Fame Academy. Tonight is the British Comedy Awards and Claire wants to know what the boys are wearing. Ricky and Steve recount their joint adventures in tuxedo shopping, with cummerbund advice from Ron Merchant. In their tuxedos, Steve looks exactly like James Bond and Ricky looks like Odd Job or Blofeld.

3. You Can Suck It Away (0:09:56)

More tuxedo and dancing chat. Steve copes with his height by putting himself on display. Ricky's got more money than sense. Steve will go back to Bristol for the holidays and tells about his bed-bound grandparents and their teeth/food problems.

4. It Weren't Nice (0:15:09)

They love Ben Kweller and engage in some muso chat. Granddad Ricky doesn't understand the webcam or how to listen to the radio online. Jonathan Ross is hosting the BCAs tonight and Steve reminisces about awards show they attended last year in which the pudding was sponsored by Electrolux and Tom O'Conner was given a standing ovation. Claire speculates on the possibility of bad behavior - could Ricky misbehave? He's too tired from the fight. If Ricky is allergic to his cat, Steve's simple solution is to throw it out the window. Steve tells Claire and the listeners about Ricky's "ludicrous" behaviour at the fight and how riled up he got whilst watching. Some reminiscing about British wrestling and the outfits involved.

5. Roasting Your Chestnuts (0:23:10)

Karl is like Ricky and Steve's autistic child, slightly straining their marriage. Steve talks about how he can't get enough of the holiday music in the shops. Have you ever roasted your chestnuts on an open fire? Steve calls Claire "Karl" because Claire is an unmemorable name, and Richard Anderson has written in again. Is their show a curse put on him by a gypsy woman? Harry has sent Steve a CD which has some skipping troubles, for which Claire gets blamed.

6. £200 of Scratchcards (0:28:12)

People can't see Ricky on the webcam and neither Ricky nor Steve understand how it works. Steve hasn't started Christmas shopping yet, but that is better than Ricky's gift to his family last year. Steve has no ideas for gifts and Ricky suggests novelty teeth for his grandparents. Steve confuses vertical and horizontal and the boys pick on Thora Hird again. Ricky and Steve are #7 in the Paperback Nonfiction List for their Office scriptbook.

7. Das Freaken Goggle-Eye (0:35:43)

Another email from Anders and Ricky would rather people hate and listen than like and not listen. Claire was on the tube the other day and overheard a conversation about Ricky and Steve. Steve overheard some German or Bavarian men talking about him as they passed their posters at the stations. Steve thinks Ricky should go on the Eurovision Song Contest and maybe sing about cheddar, dressed up as various European nationals.

8. Let's Hear Some More Great Ads (0:40:41)

Ricky still feels guilty about dissing U2 in the '90s, but Steve thinks Ricky is better than Bono. Steve wants to thank the emailers and listeners, but one listener wants ads.

9. There's No Reason It Should be a Bonanza (0:42:10)

They're playing with the webcam and Steve previews next week's Christmas show though no planning has been done for it. Ricky recaps the stories they made up last week to trick Karl and has a new idea for the future, called That's Rickydiculous.

10. You Like Poverty! (0:44:56)

What are Claire's musical highlights of the year? Ricky also takes back his years of Idlewild dissing. Ricky's low points of the year are poverty and war, but Claire was going to say The Streets.

11. It Only Happens When You Talk (0:46:39)

A emailer says that when Ricky's speech stutters while they listen online. Ricky has enjoyed the show but doesn't care whether Claire has or not.


Ricky: You're thinking of the fella out of Grumple Palumple. He was amazing.

Steve: I'm terrified now that someone could be listening at Burger King HQ. Assuming this is an unorthodox procedure, ya know? They know it's Leicester Square because.. I just said it. What was his name?
Ricky: Ralph Littleton. I saw his name badge. Number 342.
Steve: I just hope that Littleton doesn't get in trouble. That could be a sad Christmas for him.

Steve: "You could suck it away."


Eminem - Lose Yourself
Bruce Springsteen - Lonesome Day
Coldplay - The Scientist
Richard Ashcroft - Science Of Silence
Ben Kweller - In Other Words
Badly Drawn Boy - Something To Talk About
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Zephyr Song
Teenage Fanclub - Near To You
Oasis - Little By Little
The Streets - Weak Become Heroes
Eric Sermon - React
U2 - Electrical Storm
Feeder - Just The Way I'm Feeling
The Reindeer Section - Grand Parade
Lambchop - Backstreet Girl

External Links

Ricky Gervais The Fight On YouTube Part 1
Ricky Gervais The Fight On YouTube Part 2
Ricky Gervais The Fight On YouTube Part 3
Ricky Gervais The Fight On YouTube Part 4
Ricky Gervais The Fight On YouTube Part 5
Ricky Gervais The Fight On YouTube Part 6

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...